Powder Keg

I don’t think that most people understand what is meant by psychopathic irritability.  When most think of the term, they conjure images of a rough day in which they just want to be left alone lest they lash out.  Imagine this, but on steroids.  My state is one of perpetual irritability.  There is no rhyme nor reason as to what will set me off.  The slightest spark can ignite an unholy rage.  I am a perpetual powder keg, and my ability to stave off an explosion is limited.  The best the outsider can do is to ensure that they are not provoking the psychopath.  You don’t want to be the zookeeper eaten by the bear, after all.

I like to think of my irritability as being of a state of hypersensitivity.  Just as the photosensitive are slain by light, I can be provoked without another individual meaning to do so.  Every sound or action can set me off and worthless conversations can cause me to detonate.  I have learned to control my irritability – to an extent – by avoiding stimuli that could cause me to explode in rage.  I try to explain to those closest to me that, if I am silent, I am avoiding them for good reason.  If I know that I am irritable – which I always can tell if I am – I find that I become quiet and reserved, trying my damnedest to avoid situations that would cause me to erupt in anger.  Those closest to me, even if they “understand” my condition, seem to take it personally and always ask what is wrong.  Nothing is necessarily wrong, I’m just ready to blow.

Ultimately, no matter how hard I try to avoid lashing out, I inevitably do in some situation.  People notice that I am quick to anger and that my vengeance for the slightest sin can be massive.  Depending on the person, I may apologize for my irritability and assure them that they are not necessarily at fault.  I’m known as a hothead, but ultimately I am merely a walking conduit of restlessness and irritability.  I’m always charged up and ready to spark and sometimes someone is unfortunately made of gasoline.


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