I get it. It is painful to get close to someone only to realize that they do not differentiate between you and a pile of dirt. It shakes the soul to know that someone that you care about not only does not reciprocate your feelings but led you on under false pretense. It hurts to know that another person could take all of your energy and give none back. However, I am still convinced that these problems are not endemic to any one demographic, even if they may be more common in those without affective empathy. At some point you have to take responsibility for flying too close to the sun.
The neurotypical is not completely unlike the psychopath when it comes to taking responsibility. Sure, maybe they are willing to take responsibility for a fuck-up at work or a missed appointment, but they never take responsibility for their own self-inflicted wounds. I’m thinking primarily of interpersonal relationships gone south. A relationship should be ended whenever a party is harmed; you don’t get to scream ‘abuse’ when you could have chosen not to stick your hand on the hot stove repeatedly. If you missed every single warning sign that another may inflict damage upon you, then get actively harmed, and still choose not to leave … well you have no one to blame but yourself.
Please stop with the romantic gaze toward the antisocial spectrum. As much as those on the antisocial spectrum do not care to live life any other way, we must keep in mind that the ‘disorder’ – called such for a reason – causes some real inconveniences at times for those with the disorder as well as those around them. Jail-time, bodily injury, financial ruin, and many other negative effects of the disorder can be found without looking very intently. Why on earth the non-antisocial would admire these traits (looking at you true-crime tumblr) or actively seek to incorporate these facets is beyond me. We need to drop the fascination and want of the brains of others and embrace the inner workings that make us unique. Neurocide.
I know that I recently said that I was done with administering forums, and that they offered little objective value once they became full-fledged echo chambers. Well, I changed my mind again. I’ve listed the reasons why “recovery” sites with their discussion boards tend to be shitholes, but I think that the jury may still be out on whether analogous sites for those being accused of inflicted damage are without merit. Thinking specifically of Lovefraud and PsychopathFree, whose websites I will not link to in this post, I can imagine the frustration of those that are constantly being thrown under the bus, rightly or wrongly. There needs to be an outlet for the forsaken, though the effectiveness of that outlet can only be determined by those that participate. With this in mind, I have decided to spin up a new site, separate from this blog, dedicated to this need. In the spirit of throwing sand in the eyes of my enemies, I have named it Psychopath Tree.
What are the differences between sociopaths and psychopaths? Nothing and everything, as it all depends on what is meant by each term. To continue we need to create an unambiguous framework for each term. According to Kent Kiehl, PhD, there are no differences between sociopaths and psychopaths because they both measure the same thing – the etymology is merely different. For others, the term ‘sociopathy’ is synonymous with Antisocial Personality Disorder. What follows assumes that we are talking about the differences between ASPD and psychopathy.
I am fairly open with my psychopathy with those that deserve to know – namely close friends and acquaintances. I am open because I have become tired of masking. If the close friend or acquaintance is as close as I believe them to be, then they should be able to accept me in a state where I am being myself. I don’t want to have to feign affective empathy with these people. I don’t want to appear as a saint, either. I just want to be authentic as it is simply too taxing to be fake all of the time. That said, some within my social orbit have taken it better than others. I won’t say that anyone has taken it poorly, but I believe that there are some that simply choose not to listen to the words I am saying. They are willfully deaf.
There are a seemingly infinite number of websites for those seeking to recover from abusive relationships. Of these, a non-trivial number focus on relationships in which the “survivor” swears that their ex must have been a “psychopath.” This is asinine for two reasons: by sheer probability, the odds that such an abusive relationship was with an actual psychopath is small, and it creates paranoia for those that should know better.
The psychopathic condition – most notably the lack of affective empathy it brings – is a strange one to live with. There can be intense feelings of possession of another, but these feelings must not be misunderstood for what the majority of neurotypicals consider to be ‘love.’ One can have a possession and care greatly for them, fending off any that would dare try to destroy or steal said belonging. However, all possessions eventually are lost to time and, in my case, once that happens, the thought of what they once represented is gone forever. For this reason, I suppose that it is the present moment that matters, knowing full and well that entropy will eventually turn all to dust.
A Borderline resorts to emotional manipulation. The narcissist steals the light from his acquaintances. The antisocial deliberately harms. At what point do you pack your bags and leave? The victims of Cluster B disorders have the ultimate say in any interpersonal relationship they share with the damned. The Borderline pushes and pulls and puts up a disguise that everything will be different “this time.” The narcissist plays so long as his ego as fed. The antisocial is looking for an outlet for sadism. The intentions of each Cluster B disorder I mention are inherently clear. It is not their fault when someone else puts their hand on the stove, knowing full and well that only pain will come when interacting with these hell-bringers. Maybe instead of faulting the individual with BPD, NPD, or ASPD, we should fault those foolish enough to take a lethal dose of bad behavior.
There is a common misconception that psychopaths are “crazy” or otherwise delusional. This often leads to people confusing the condition with psychosis, for instance. The psychopath is perfectly sane. She is aware of her effect on others, but she does not care. The only delusion is that of extreme narcissism – often times without accomplishments to back up such egocentrism – but that is not the focus of others when they claim that psychopaths are insane. Others making this claim are positing that the psychopath is merely a caricature of destruction that has no internal bearing as to the mechanisms that cause such destruction. These people are wrong. The whirlwind of destruction that the psychopath engages in is often reasoned and is often a result of narcissism combined with a lack of concern for others. This may seem alien to the neurotypical, but it is perfectly sane and calculated.