My Life is not Your Pornography

You know this situation all too well.  You drive down a road only to see traffic coming to a halt up ahead.  You mutter to yourself as everyone else is slowing down to look at some presumed accident, but the second you can see the gore pile on the side of the road, you slow down too.  A perverse smile encompasses your face and you eventually drive past, subconsciously waiting for your next turn with the macabre.

I get email from time to time, or comments on this blog, that admonish me for not examining the ins and outs of psychopathy in a truly voyeuristic fashion.  The posts that I write on the blood and guts of the condition always register more views than those that focus on more intellectually-charged issues.  I hate to break it to you, but I’ve written almost all there is to say about the “sexy” components of the condition.  I do not feel obligated to sit around while you fuck off to my life without giving me the courtesy of a reach around.  My life is not your pornography.

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A Complicated Reality for a Simple Condition

When I mucked up my heart with drug use, the complications dictated that I take heart medicine for the rest of my days.  When my rampant jams due to a then-unnamed mental disorder threatened my life and my freedom, I turned to therapy for the long haul.  My life is complicated.  For that, I am grateful.  If I was a simpler creature without the (slight) impulse control that I possess, my life could be much different – if I were still alive to this point.  I am not a caricature.  I refuse to embrace the caricatures that so many associate with psychopathy and ASPD.  I realize that a non-trivial number are, however, and they are truly lost.  Not I.

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Should Mental Illness be Blamed for Tragedy?

Yesterday, a gunman killed several people in a movie theater in the United States.  Described as mentally ill and potentially racist, the exact reasons why the killing occurred remain unclear at the time of this writing.  However, individuals are already turning to social media to explain their own views.  The more extreme views dismiss the possibility of mental illness, proclaiming racism as the sole motivator and others are proclaiming the opposite.  Can’t an individual be both mentally ill and a domestic terrorist?  Dismissing either is dangerous but is often done in the name of political correctness.  This post will focus on my belief that mental illness should never be an excuse for bad behavior, but neither should it be ignored.

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Is Psychopathy a Mental Illness?

It’s hard to believe that I haven’t covered this topic in over 500 posts up to the point.  It is a question that I receive from time to time and a question that many neurotypicals have staunch opinions on.  Is psychopathy a mental illness, or is it – as some would say – merely a defect in personality or character?  To answer this we must consider the types of mental illness as well as the role neurology plays in personality.  I hope that it is clear to the reader that the answer to this question should be ‘yes.’

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The Beatings Will Continue

The PCL-R (Psychopathy Checklist Revised) is the primary tool used to assess psychopathy.  It covers many facets that it’s junior, the PCL-SV (Psychopathy Checklist Screening Version) does not.  The PCL-R has more elements of “delinquency” including criminality and reflects the more antisocial nature of the true underlying condition.  However, I am not a fan of the PCL-SV.  People who are given the PCL-SV are mathematically more likely to register as psychopathic than people given the PCL-R.  Less components, less criminality, it’s a given that this is true.  So then why do so many jump at the bit to give out the PCL-SV?  Simple.  Correlation does not equal causation, but there’s all the incentive in the world to create more psychopaths when one wants them isolated.

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Sheep’s Clothing (Part 2)

The only way to know that there is a wolf in disguise among your sheep is to look for the paw prints.  The classic, successful psychopath is not nearly as restrained as I am.  Once again, lest the reader misunderstand, I am no saint, but I am certainly not the sinner I was in the past.  I’ve heard countless accounts from neurotypical readers where they associated with possible psychopaths, let them in close, and then were surprised when the flock was dead.  At the risk of stirring paranoia, I wish to warn the reader: many psychopaths that are not incarcerated are on the lookout for new prey.  This can take the form of your wallet, your livelihood, or even your emotions.  They wear the clothing of sheep to get close to the shepherd.

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The Mirror

I look in the mirror and this I see.  Hate, apathy, and all in between.  You look in the mirror and what do you see?  Love, compassion, and all in between.  Which one of us is lying?

I gave an interview last weekend on the intersection of Antisocial Personality Disorder and relationships.  Part theory, part experience, and part opinion, I hope that I have given pause to those that would rather see all ASPD (and psychopathic) individuals locked away or rendered permanently mute.  I take a dual-pronged approach when attempting to win allies from the neurotypical – a word I use to mean not ASPD and not psychopathic – community.  I strongly believe in two things: that individual ASPD individuals need not fall to tired stereotypes even if they once did and that the neurotypical is with great hypocrisy when it comes to striking down “bad” behavior.  The antisocial can look into the mirror and see hope, while the neurotypical can look into that same mirror and see the darkness of the human condition.

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Not Today – Psychopathy’s Silent Destroyers

I’m twitching like a cockroach in its death throes.  Every time that I think I make progress, I take two steps back.  Impulsivity will eventually ruin me, but not today.  Maybe I’ll be a parasite to a host that fights back.  Maybe my lack of foresight and goals will catch up with me.  It’s quite possible that I’ll put off the wrong person with my supreme megalomania.  There are so many facets of this condition that could eventually burn me.  I’m a small child, putting my hand on the stove – over and over again – not caring if it is hot or not.  My outwardly antisocial behavior may be on the way out, but the secondary traits of the condition may prove more fatal, even if I do not end up in a jail cell.  However, that day is not today.

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Heading into the Fire – All-Out War with no Army

A Tumblr user asked:

What are your current motivations for blogging and speaking so relentlessly?

I seethe.  I’m tired of seeing disproportionate sentences handed out to my brethren.  I’m angry at the stigma that I face for not possessing affective empathy.  I curse this existence that seems so monochrome, so shallow.  I head into the fire, ready to advance my cause.  Our cause.  My cause.  Our cause.  My cause.  My cause.  There are countless others that fight for what they believe in for relatively inconsequential gain for inconsequential people.  Where are the autistics that should be allied with us?  How about the queer?  How about the dirty?  No, this is a fight that is fought on a singular front.  There are no allies.  There are no armies.  There are only the tiniest handful of motivated individuals willing to put their standing on the line.  Their cause.  My cause.  Their cause.  My cause.  My cause.  I see the resemblance in us all, but ultimately megalomania dictates that I fight for myself and myself alone.  No one else is coming along for the ride.  Head into the fire.

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Stay Awhile and Listen: What Brought Me to Where I am Today

Long time readers have picked up on my diagnosis story from posts I’ve written over the years.  The same readers are surely aware of my disdain for self-diagnosis.  However, newer readers may not be as familiar with these facts and concepts. What follows is a fairly lengthy post giving a brief background of myself and the work that my therapist and I have conducted.  I also mention briefly a warning for those considering self-diagnosis.  Stay awhile and listen, you might learn something.

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