It was shortly after the second U.S. / Iraq war started. I was a freshman in college and I was tasked by my English professor to write an opinion piece on the war. I struggled mightily with such an assignment as I had no real opinions. I asked around, looking for strong opinions by those I knew, and eventually wrote fictitious opinions based on the very real opinions of one of my acquaintances. This is a problem that I still have. I am often unable to articulate opinions on much of anything. I simply don’t have them. As with my identity, my opinions that I believe I hold are ever shifting and amorphous.
I am a parrot. I regurgitate the words and thoughts I am exposed to. I often shift from hardcore progressive to staunch conservative based on those I am around and the ideas that I glean from them. I know that I have intelligence and that I should be able to form my own opinions, but I can’t. I suppose there is something intrinsic about opinions that is derived from identity. Without identity, how can I truly form unique thoughts of my own? There are exceptions of course, particularly with those areas that I am somewhat interested in – such as psychopathy – but ultimately I find that I am often too uncaring and too amorphous to determine my own beliefs. It is much easier, and more natural, to simply echo what I am around.
I am not certain whether this is a core facet of psychopathy. I know that I weak identity is, and I suspect that belief and opinion is incestuously tied to identity. However, we all possess free will and intelligence. With that will, intelligence, and autonomy there should be some basis for individual belief, but – at least for me – there is a disconnect. I would like to hear from other psychopaths whether I am alone on this front. In the meantime, I will continue parroting.