Golgotha – Why Discussing Psychopathy is Difficult

The nature of discourse has been on my mind a lot lately as I continue to guide more and more into my flock.  I know that exposure is not without risk, but at the same time, some things are merely too important to remain silent about.  I think the world wants all discourse on the taboo to be anonymous.  We don’t want to imagine that grievances are committed by actual human beings.  We don’t want faces or names with sin.  Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are the closest things we have to actual acceptance of sin but rehabilitation is expected.  Even then, their names are only known between those walls and never outside.

The successful psychopath is expected to remain quiet and in the shadows.  We are not to speak of our past, present, nor future.  Society finds it abhorrent that we would even think of speaking.  I see this firsthand with the responses to Twitter musings that I have.  I either have support or hatred; there is no in between.  Those that hate me want to see me silent and find it unfathomable that I would dare speak of my own experiences.  They discount my perceptions and my musings as those of a pariah and an iconoclast.  I am expected to be a killer or a batterer.  The fact that I am not makes such critics uncomfortable but unwilling to let up on their assault.

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Stream of Consciousness: Survivability of the Psychopath

I was driving to work this morning and speeding through the parking garage when I had to suddenly stop due to a vehicle that pulled out in front of me.  This would, for most, not be a problem but I was on my phone checking social media and had taken off my seat belt a few minutes before.  I hit my head on the windshield and I am still a little woozy from the whole ordeal.  A difference in the degree that one cares about their own well-being is evident between those with only ASPD and those with psychopathy.  The psychopath often considers himself to be invincible and many believe that they will find ways to cheat their own eventual deaths.  The ASPD individual, while reckless with respect to her own mortality, does not have such a grand delusion.

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Killing Christ – Psychopaths and Fate

In Christian theology, Judas is well known for betraying Christ and setting in motion the events that would lead to execution.  Judas then died after hanging himself in a field and splitting open his gut.  The not so subtle context, however, is that Judas had to do such.  The Christian god’s plans required that Christ die so that man could be saved.  Judas was predestined to serve this role and was rewarded with his own death and presumed eternal damnation.

This story reminds me of the fate that psychopaths face each and every day.  No matter what forces, genetic or otherwise, led to the psychopath’s creation, she is destined to exhibit certain behaviors.  Manipulation, lying, parasitism, and so forth are unavoidable.  Criminality and/or violence need not result, however.  Ultimately such restraint is ignored by the masses just as Judas’ required sin was ignored by God.  Even though the symptoms are fate, society condemns the psychopath as persona non grata even though she is merely playing the part she was destined to play.

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Stream of Consciousness: Neurotypical Bloodlust

This is the first in a new series of posts that I will be writing.  These are not intended to be full-length posts (though they occasionally may be) and will not replace the daily full-length posts.  These are merely supplements and may or may not show up on a daily basis.  These are not as refined and are intended to be “Stream of Consciousness” in nature.  In the future I will denote these with the tag “stream of consciousness”.

The hypocrisy of neurotypicals never ceases to astound me.  I was perusing Tumblr this morning and noticed a post that kept getting reblogged left and right.  To summarize, it was a back-and-forth between a psychopath and a neurotypical.  The neurotypical claimed that his (?) experiences were worthy of generalization to the psychopathic population as a whole.  Apparently he had been abused or scorned by someone who may or may not have been psychopathic.  Chiming in on a post written by an anonymous antisocial challenging a predominant “abuse survivor” blog (that spends most of their time claiming that all abuse is the result of psychopaths) to an intellectual debate on the subject, the discourse was weak at best.  The neurotypical was convinced that they were in the right.

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Glass Angels … Psychopaths and Thought Crimes

I’ve communicated with psychopaths that dream of killing people.  I’ve communicated with psychopaths that fantasize about eating people.  I’ve talked with those that would rape if there were no consequences.   I know a non-practicing zoophile.  I’ve had my own dark and violent dreams and fantasies.  I suspect most of us with such criminal thoughts never asked for them; they simply are.  Nature or nurture does not enter the equation as only one thing matters: restraint.  I have yet to meet a psychopathic-identifying individual that did not have some form of bloodlust on the brain.  However, the successful psychopath knows that such thoughts are a curse that must not be honored.  Unfortunately, the only one that recognizes the gravity and achievement of such restraint is the psychopath himself.  Society does not care as it wants blood for thoughts.

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Retroactive Abortion … On the Wings of Valkyries

When I came out as transgender, my parents were quick to disavow my existence.  My mother wished that she had “aborted the freak that her womb produced” and my father told me in no uncertain terms that I was no longer welcome around their parts.  Yes, they have mellowed over the years and we do have a speaking relationship at this point, but I wonder what would happen if they found out that I am psychopathic.  Would we be repeating such an exchange again?  Would they once again be wishing for retroactive abortion?

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Chaos, Order, and the Psychopath

I believe the successful psychopath holds herself to a separate standard than she does society.  She realizes that chaos cannot exist on a massive scale.  However, she realizes that she herself is an agent of chaos and she loses no sleep over such a fact.  Ultimately, she uses this dichotomy to create a niche in which she thrives, be it parasitic or otherwise.

I remember a time in which I was married and my ex-husband asked me to give my thoughts on the following scenario:

A scientist has developed a cure for an incurable disease that causes quick death and offers it to anyone who can pay the monetary price he demands.  A man, living in the same town as the scientist, desperately needs this cure for his wife but he is destitute and has no way to pay the price demanded.  He pleads to the scientist, hoping that something else may be offered for the cure.  The scientist refuses and the man is left with a choice: he can let his wife die and honor the code that society has dictated (stealing is wrong), or he can commit theft.  What does he do?

My answer surprised my then husband.

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What is Life Like as a Psychopath?

A tumblr follower asked me what it is to live life with psychopathy.  This question confused me on many levels.  What is it like to live life blind?  What is it like to live life with Parkinson’s?  Or with color blindness?  Or depression?  Or Bipolar Disorder?  Or any of the multitudes of conditions that humans have given names?  I don’t think there is a catch-all answer for any of these conditions that I threw out there or that the reader was inquiring about.  The truth is, we all have our individual flavor not just of the condition that others may want to associate with us but for our lives in total as well.

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War on the War Against Those Without Empathy

I declare war on the so-called academics of the world; war on the opportunity samples of the day.  I declare war on the bias that lives inside their hearts, and war against the ivory towers that allow such bias to continue.  We’ve all out war on the grants given in the name of public safety but used in the name of genocide.

I declare war on the disproportionate sentences given our kind; war on the use of instruments to predict the future from the past. I declare war on those that equate three quarters with the whole; all out war on the use of copyrighted instruments to make a living and to deny the public from learning what conditions are actually composed of.  There can be nothing but war on lifetime achievement awards given to those who ruin the most lives.

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Bladebringer – Psychopathy and Borderline Personality Disorder

I remain convinced that shallow affect is central to the psychopathic condition as well as my own existence.  However, I believe comorbidity can lead to interesting fluctuations of emotion.  Specifically, the thought of my own comorbid Borderline Personality Disorder comes to mind.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex disorder whose central features revolve around failed emotional regulation.  I defer the reader to any number of resources on the subject, but I want to focus primarily on what is known as ‘splitting’.  Splitting refers to the fact that the Borderline will often split another person between two states: idealization and devaluation.  That is, another person relative to the Borderline is often in a godlike status or a non-person status.  I find that my emotional disregulation happens mostly when transitioning between these two states.

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