Reflection … Without Emotion, Without Care

Many neurotypical readers over the past year have pointed out how emotionless my written words are.  My life has been a sordid one at times and, of course, my writing focuses on the nature of psychopathy.  That said, I do not wish to mislead the reader.  Maybe it is my shallow affect or maybe it is my inability to feel guilt or remorse, but I simply do not have an emotional state when reflecting upon my life and the role that psychopathy has played in it.

Yes, the occasional antisocial act will bring a smile to my face for a brief moment, but as I distance myself temporally from the event, I lose all sense of “pride” in my actions.  I especially do not feel sadness nor remorse regarding my sins.  I am simply stoic regarding it all.  We will see later that many psychopaths can exhibit a sort of smugness regarding criminality, but in general, it seems that many or most of us simply cannot dredge the waters for emotion regarding that which we’ve done.

In a way, the condition is as alien to me as it is to the neurotypical.  Some curious NTs want to hear lurid tales of debauchery and sin and they want to “feel” what the psychopath felt as they committed great misdeeds.  They want to see through the window of our eyes and determine for themselves what it is like to be purely amoral.  I suspect that this journey often finds them in a position like that of a stranger in a foreign land.  They see similarities but do not “know the language.”  Maybe they can relate to our amorality via their own amoral actions in the name of gods or laws.  But, they can’t “touch” the feeling state that we have.  Little do they know that we can’t become attuned to our feelings either.  The condition to us is merely one of facts.  Shit happens.  People are often harmed.  So what?

So no, I do not wish to mislead the reader with vivid imagery that portrays feeling states that I do not possess.  I simply cannot “feel” my sins.  As always, I intend to be objective and truthful with my readers.  To paint a passionate picture regarding my own psychopathy would be false in nature.  As such, I am left with no other choice other than to portray it as it is: without emotion and without care.  However, just as the blind can see through touch, I believe the psychopath can “see” their actions through introspection.  They may never register on a emotional level, but knowledge still can be gained in order to shape the future in any fashion that the psychopath wishes.

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