I have a disconnect between my intellectual view of myself and my feeling states toward myself.  Intellectually, I realize that, by sheer probability alone, I cannot be the best at anything.  However, I feel and know that I am superior in nearly everything.  Cunning.  Intelligence.  Scheming.  I am the best of the best.  Or so I tell myself and so I believe on some level.  Combined with my self-centeredness, I am a megalomaniac.  I am a better human being, not because of my psychopathy, but rather because of the innate gifts that I possess.

This makes the nature of discourse tricky at times.  As I mentioned, I have an intellectual disconnect between my feeling state and my “objective” analysis of my worth.  How can I truly be objective with my words if there is always self-grandiosity hiding behind the veneer?  How can I adequately describe my self-grandeur when such a disconnect exists?

The topic of self-grandiosity is difficult to write about because of this disconnect.  I can be more objective with my writing than my actions, however.  In real life, if you met me, you would see the swagger that I carry myself with.  I am the center of attention because I deserve it.  You will hang on my every word because of my confidence.  Combined with my innate charm, you will be enthralled. The narcissism of the psychopath is unrivaled.  I simply happen to have a more intellectual mind than most.

I will always continue to live with such a disconnect.  My swagger and my actions will match the heightened levels of humanity that I believe I belong in.  My intellectual mind realizes that maybe I’m a bit off with my assessment.  Regardless, I will move forward, always chasing the levels of grandeur that I believe I deserve but, most likely, never quite reaching that pinnacle that I strive for.

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