Out of the many traits that define psychopathy, the “strongest” for me is my parasitism.  Whether it is stretching the rules with obligations, showing up late and leaving early, or taking resources from those that won’t do anything (but maybe complain), I always seek actions that lead to maximum reward without anything but minimal effort on my part.

Without directly justifying my actions, I wish to present the case as merely being logical.  If someone is going to let you mooch off of them, taking either their energy or a physical resource, then why wouldn’t you?  In many instances, their thoughts directed toward you won’t even change out of failed notions of loyalty, as is the case when I misrepresent financial need to my close family (even though I make more than all of them combined).  It is as if there is a sign that says “free money” in front of them; why wouldn’t I take them up on their “generous” offer?

Of course, such actions directly link into the psychopath’s callousness and lack of empathy.  When you are unable to view people as anything but tools and playthings, then would not parasitism be the end result?

While I greatly enjoy the benefits of being a parasite, I still wonder what it would be like to truly be able to see others and distinct individuals worthy of care and respect.  Like a mosquito drawing blood from my arm, I see others as nothing more than mere sources to feed from.   They are not living, autonomous creatures that exist outside of my will.  Such is a damning realization that my place in life will always remain as a that of a bloodsucker and lone wolf than a social creature that values those around her.

My immutable condition is one of logic in many ways, but this parasite often wishes that she could have her cake and eat it too.  That is, that she could reap the rewards she always has but with the ability to truly cultivate meaningful relationships with those around her.  Such will never come to pass, however.  My wiring prevents it.  I will be like that mosquito, buzzing around and looking for food, and never associating a face with that being drawn from.