Given my relative lack of posting in January, I’m combining January and February into one recap. As usual, this is a selection of 5-9 posts from the recap period that either I or my readership found interesting.
Bait and Switch – A post on how many of us drop our masks once the interpersonal relationships we’ve created have solidified.
Shattered – Every time our mask cracks, we must do damage control.
Naive – Neurotypicals will often ignore all evidence to the contrary in order to avoid confronting a perceived demon head on.
D.I.Y. – Only as individuals can we ensure our freedom and our standing in society. Psychopaths do not get a free pass due to their condition.
Wildfire – Ambiguity is to the psychopath’s advantage.
Godlike – We have the power to create and destroy. Sometimes we forget another option: ambivalent restraint.
Worms – What purpose is there for the psychopath?
Antivenom – All interactions take two (or more). The other can leave if the fire of the psychopath burns too hot.
Targeted Indifference – Why waste effort on larger group dynamics and advances if there is no benefit to the individual?
I’ve always found it terribly difficult to appreciate the struggles of others. I know that, in modern theory, this often means that I am taking my privilege for granted, but I suspect that my lack of empathy and extreme self-centeredness make such unavoidable. However, my opportunistic tendencies would suggest that I play on the discourse that benefits me most. I’ll say the words that will align me “correctly” with those groups that seek relief from their strife, but ultimately I do not care about anyone other than myself.
Those ideologies that benefit me are not worthy of my action, however. Possibly on a large scale, such efforts can cause gradual change, but, at the individual level, there is little benefit to be had for the energy required to contribute to that larger scale. I am not one to lend my efforts to a larger mass if my individual effort is not alone to create change. Along these lines, marching in “sex-positive” parades or contributing to the funeral possessions on the Transgender Day of Remembrance, are pointless to a person as self-centered as myself. The reward, even if it did exist, is not shaped by one person. It takes a mass to create change and so long as everyone does not share the mindset that I do, change (or a lack thereof) will reach its inevitable conclusion. I want the benefit without the effort.
Continue reading Targeted Indifference
It’s really cold outside and there is this stray cat in my neighborhood that I haven’t seen in a few days. I hope someone rescued her because she’s so pretty.
I overheard the above at work this morning. Aside from the absurdity that someone would waste their energy over a stray animal, this highlights the fact that empathy is often conditional. Only if a certain level of “worthiness” is met will a neurotypical project their empathy. And, even then, often they will not do anything with it, choosing to let someone else come through with actions to alleviate the suffering of others. Maybe this is why so few have empathy for those that possess none?
I do not possess conscience. I have no value judgement toward such a fact. I think that it would be foolish to categorically state that the absence of a conscience is better than the presence of one. The naive might presume that the difference between presence and absence is merely a focus on whether society should be held first or the individual when an action must favor one to the detriment of another. Such an approach forgets that humans have free will and that conscience is merely a suggestion, not a decree.
I may not have the internal discussion that others find automatic when it comes to making choices regarding benefit at the expense of others or sacrifice at the expense of myself, but I am not required to always choose the former. The analogue is that those who possess conscience need not always pick actions that lead to a pro-social outcome. People can choose to act on their perspective or not.
Continue reading Angels
I’m sorry honey, but your hopes and dreams are not going to be realized. Life is the punchline to a cosmic joke and the only certainty that any of us will ever know is decomposition and oblivion. You can wish for anything you’d like but odds are you don’t have the guts to take the steps you need and, if you do, there will always be people like me that are the gatekeepers between fallacy and fortune.
The truth is, very few will make anything of their lives here on this earth. There are limited resources and most simply do not have either the drive or the worthiness to make their stories heard and their accomplishments worth anything more than the circle jerk babble that the sacred circle utters to keep themselves sane at night.
Continue reading Oblivion
I keep wavering on whether to use the term ‘sociopath’ or ‘psychopath’.
‘Sociopath’ is in vogue in roughly a trillion different contexts these days. It depends on whether you are using it as a synonym for ‘ASPD, non-psychopath’ or ‘psychopath’. The problem has become that non-psychopaths are using the word – as far as I can tell – to mean ‘ASPD’ and psychopaths are using the word to mean – well – psychopath.
The problem is further exacerbated by the fact that, due to the plethora of ways that psychopathy can manifest, psychopathy is often interpreted in a much more hyperbolic manner than necessary. Not to say that there really is any such thing as ‘mild’ psychopathy. Most psychopaths aren’t Ted Bundy is the point I’m trying to get at.
So this leads to psychopaths calling themselves sociopaths, ASPD-only individuals calling themselves sociopaths, and NTs using the word in contexts that may or may not even make sense.
I must have control. Often, my desires for control lead me to playing things quite safely. It is not that I am afraid of risk; I merely prefer to hold all of the cards and to know my opponent’s hand before committing to anything. I want to know that I will be the victor and overwhelmingly so.
I need control. When I am not in control, I lash out like a small child. I turn to nefarious means in order to regain control. In the worst case scenario, if I cannot have control, no one will. In the best case, I will have set the tempo to the dance they think that they can perform on their own.
Continue reading Marionettes
Anyone that deals with me voluntarily should realize that they are dealing with poison. I am rarely concerned with anything but benefit when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and only those that I respect on a profound level are relatively safe from my tricks.
It is nothing personal. People are tools, to be used when I need them and, otherwise, left aside for potential future use. I am parasitic. Parasitism is my “strongest” sociopathic trait. If my host is not actively trying to swat me, I certainly will try to gather as much blood as I can before I hunger again.
Continue reading Antivenom
Two posts today as the first one, Painkiller, was a free-write.
I get a good feel for the discussions regarding ASPD and sociopathic individuals that goes on over on my tumblr. Searching ‘ASPD’ and ‘sociopath’ tags on tumblr is generally enough to make me claw my eyes out, but on occasion there are jewels to be found – which I do share with my followers over there. The latest, and mind-boggling, trend that I’ve noticed as of late, is that many neurotypicals are coming out of the woodwork to make sure that we are humanized.
I’ve said before that sociopaths, in particular and in general, are not as the media tends to portray us. I hope that my words are not misunderstood, however. I am not implying that bloodthirsty lions are to be viewed as harmless kittens. I am merely suggesting that in order for true discourse to be had, the hyperbolic views that are had need to come down a few notches. There is a difference between the respect and appreciation of disease and widespread panic due to misinformation.
Continue reading Watercolors
When nothing is satisfying and pride and accomplishment are as fleeting as the lives around you, what can you hope for out of this life?
No scheme, no victory is ever enough. I chase the next and greatest fix to make these days bearable but nothing comes close. The people that I use and the aggressiveness that I exhibit are, in many ways, tools for construction that can never be completed.
Continue reading Painkiller