I am heavily involved in many things: work, this blog, the community over at Sociopath Street, and whatever else life throws at me.  I rarely am with downtime, but I even more rarely know exactly where I am going with everything.  When I try to imagine my future, I see nothing.  To clarify, it is not that my future holds nothing; it is that I cannot envision what it will hold and, more importantly, concrete steps on how to get there.

These past six months have been the most rewarding of my life.  I have learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined and I have communicated with many sociopaths that have knowledge that I could not have found on my own.  I know that I will continue to write and to maintain the sister site, but I have a long term plan for neither.  My one concrete goal in life, as I have always said, is to know myself better than the day before.  I am coming to realize that I desperately need to find the sight needed to envision other goals.

It is as if I am a racecar driver.  I know that there is a checkered flag off in the distance, but my view of the road is obscured as well as my knowledge of where the flag actually lies.  I drift, aimlessly, from street to street, not knowing where I am going, only that I should go somewhere.  I’m essentially playing the lottery of life:  random chance is the only thing that gets me to any sort of reward.

I need to articulate some sort of goal for this life.  Once I have a goal, I can begin mulling possible plans to reach that goal.  A goal without plans can only be reached by chance, and a plan without a goal will never succeed.