I never learn. Just when I think that I’ve conquered Borderline tendencies of splitting – that is, elevation and devaluation of others to a magnitude not justified – my proclivities manifest in full force and destroy everything around me. While extreme elevation is not realistic or healthy, the devaluation (and the interactions with my psychopathy that make such devaluation especially cruel) that I impart is devastating. I send those around me to the guillotine and then wonder why my kingdom has only one citizen.
I’ve been dealing these cycles of destruction to others for all of my life. Whether it was the person in high school that rejected my advances but was a friend until I tore them down mercilessly or, more recently, my greatest advocate and champion that I attacked, I always lose those closest to me when I submit to Borderline rage. The pattern is well established by now. They either wrong, or I perceive them as wronging, me, I explode, and then I ask for forgiveness – promising that such a reaction on my end will never happen again. Of course it does. It is automatic, unconscious, and brutal.