The past five years have been a grueling journey. My arc has not always been well-defined, but a prime directive stood tall: to finally know myself, my capabilities, and the trajectory that I must follow. I have gone from fallen caricature of destruction to a mostly benevolent force with latent shadow. There have been bumps along the way and I have stumbled at times to replace the shadows within with light, but I am finally at peace. Our deeds are the only things that survive our death in this physical realm. We have near-unlimited choice in those deeds we pursue and can inflict great burden, relief, or both on those around us. I have decided, with a degree of finality, that I must be a force for good. There is no other choice.
I loathe writing posts on the maturation and mindfulness that I’ve acquired in recent years. The reason for this is that I do not want the reader to frame these posts under the romanticized light of redemption. When I think of redemption, I think of love stories where someone cleans up their act in order to be welcomed back with open arms by a paramour. Or, I think about the mythical hero of the day, throwing away their background and the odds in order to heroically save those around him. These are tired tropes. I would propose that the antisocial is beyond redemption but not necessarily for the reasons you may think.