Keep Talking

For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk and we learned to listen… mankind’s greatest achievements have come about by talking, and its greatest failures by not talking. It doesn’t have to be like this… all we need to do is make sure we keep talking

The above quotes are attributed to Stephen Hawking.  They stress the importance of communication in furthering progress, both at the global level and the micro level.  Societies live and die by communication.  Friendships do the same.

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Borderline Blues

The longtime reader knows that I am Borderline in addition to ASPD and psychopathic.  (For a detailed picture of what this looks like, I direct the reader to the book, Evil Genes).  My Borderline facets are on the wane these days, thankfully, and aside from the occasional splitting – alternation between idealization and demonization of another – and black and white thinking, I more or less have this facet of my personality under wraps.  This is a good thing.  As devastating as ASPD can be to an individual caught in an interpersonal relationship with us, the Borderline dynamics with another can be as severe or worse.  I’ve been called ableist for such views, but having suffered with the worst of the condition, I feel confident that I speak truth.  Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, but it must be nonetheless.

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Giving Everything but Your Heart

I’m reminded during times of emergency of my stoicism.  I see, all too often, the troubles of others when they try to react when the stakes demand it.  Many with empathy seize up, overtaken by the gravity of the situation and their empathy for those in trouble.  It either takes conditioning or a lack of empathy to be good at handling crises, though.  I remember when my mother had to be sent to the hospital last summer.  My brother, who is highly empathic, could not muster more than a warbling of words while time was of the essence.  However, crisis also teaches me something about myself.  I am reminded of my humanity.  While my actions may be selfish and rarely rooted in compassion, I can still choose to help or hinder.  More often than not, I choose to help.

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Psychopaths and Friendship Revisited

I’m trying out the idea of friendship again.  I’ve long said that I have acquaintances, not friends, but that leads to a rather unsatisfying life.  I maintain that there is a “bubble” between the psychopath and those she interacts with.  She can be seen and may speak, but she may not touch those around her in the same manner that neurotypicals are accustomed to doing.  That is, a certain level of emotional intimacy is simply off limits to the psychopath.  Given that the world thinks of friendships as being rooted in emotional bonds, this leaves the psychopath without the vocabulary to describe her own interpersonal relationships.  The words and music of those friendships that NTs form are simply lost.

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Event Horizon

“Don’t take your mask off for too long,” they said.  “You’ll never be able to put it back on,” they warned.  I dismissed such advice as being too restrictive for a psychopath trying to maintain her good standing in the world.  You know what, though?  They were right.  I’ve passed my event horizon and now there is nothing I can do to appear as I once was.

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