My continued evolution mirrors those that go to fetch water. At first, an individual will satisfy his own needs, and gather water from the well with his hands. He will be quenched, though he has no way to avoid going to the well in the future, as he has no way to retain the water he scoops up. He then returns with a canteen, satisfying his needs for a longer time and allowing for the storage of a sufficient amount of water. Finally, he returns with both canteen and pail, so that his needs are satisfied as well as those around him; he can return to others with the pail of water and continue his journey with the filled canteen. As an antisocial individual, I first obtained my necessities by deceit, considering only the moment when acting. I later learned measured restraint, finding ways to keep my needs met beyond the moment – ignoring derailing impulsivity for the moment – and was satisfied longer. Now, I am starting to learn to meet my needs in conjunction or in harmony with the needs of others. It may not be an automatic consideration, just as one fetching water may need to provide the pail himself, but the end result is all the same. What was once simplistic and only quenching in the moment is slowly evolving into a lifelong struggle to satisfy the needs of all. This weighs heavily on my mind as I continue to dwell on the nature of interpersonal relationships.
The question of disclosure has been weighing on my mind heavily as of late. Under what circumstances should a psychopath or otherwise antisocial disclose their status and to whom? I already see my antisocial readers rolling their eyes as they read these words. “No true antisocial would reveal themselves,” they probably are thinking. I certainly can understand that as the degree of disorder rises, the inclination to disclose weakens. However, I do believe that there are matters that affect psychopaths that today’s zeitgeist of being “more antisocial than thou” silence. I have reason to believe that I am not the only antisocial individual that seeks a bond with the world. I also have reason to think that a level playing field is agreeable to many antisocials. The reasons may vary, but ultimately there are legitimate thoughts that would lead to disclosure. The reception may – at this stage of human progress – be chilling and unilaterally hostile, with some exceptions, but this is part of the calculus that any antisocial must perform when determining how he wishes to relate to another human being. I encourage all of my readers to put down their preconceptions and defenses for a moment and examine the charged subject of disclosure.
By the time many of you read this, my anonymity will be no more.
A few weeks ago, I gave a presentation on sociopathy (from now on I will be interchanging the words ‘sociopath’ and ‘psychopath’ to stress the non-difference) to a sold out crowd at a venue in the metropolitan area that I currently reside in. I gave it under the condition of anonymity and intending it to be a one-and-done.
Events have been quickly coming to a head over the past few weeks and it is increasingly clear that I need to let those around me know my psychopathic status before time does it for me. As such, I decided that the time was right to begin letting my family know. My close friends have known for a while and those that are not close do not have enough meaning in my life to warrant disclosure. What follows is an interesting observation regarding coming out and the words chosen for a chosen impact.
This is the last of three posts regarding disclosure. The first tackled coming out as transgender, the second as psychopathic, and this post will compare and contrast those revelations.
The similarities and differences of coming out as psychopathic and coming out as transgender are striking, but not wholly unexpected. The two groups are very similar. Both groups are composed of people that are not ‘the norm’. Both groups contain some deceptive features. Both groups are, in general, hated.
With both revelations, some were apt to consider me a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They believed that I was actively out to fool and deceive and harm others, either by the gender I adopted or by my innate psychopathic traits. They refused to acknowledge the individual, just the traits as a whole. When they did acknowledge me, it was to disparage me and to harm me, even if, ultimately, such attempts failed.