If I had to pick the common denominator in all of the failed interpersonal relationships – friends, romantic partners, family, etc. – throughout my life, it is me. Some may have left because I was too emotionally absent, while others may have left when I was overtly callous toward them, but it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, it was my actions or inactions that caused nearly every interpersonal relationship that has come my way to collapse. My wiring will never change, even as I mellow and embrace relative responsibility, so rather than run from those bridges I burn, I must turn to their light to better understand my own place on this earth.
I’m apathetic these days. The entire world, it seems, is gaslighting each other into believing in the very worst in humanity. We seem to be on the precipice of something but what that is, I do not know. Sensationalism and a clear binary partitioning of the masses have trumped discourse and have negated a desire to find common ground between any two individuals that surely have some worth outside of the fire and brimstone sociopolitical climate. It’s sickening to the point that I no longer feel sick thinking about it. I sit back as an observer, wondering whether the madness will end before I am no longer able to observe.
The past five years have been a grueling journey. My arc has not always been well-defined, but a prime directive stood tall: to finally know myself, my capabilities, and the trajectory that I must follow. I have gone from fallen caricature of destruction to a mostly benevolent force with latent shadow. There have been bumps along the way and I have stumbled at times to replace the shadows within with light, but I am finally at peace. Our deeds are the only things that survive our death in this physical realm. We have near-unlimited choice in those deeds we pursue and can inflict great burden, relief, or both on those around us. I have decided, with a degree of finality, that I must be a force for good. There is no other choice.
It is another year but the same old dog and pony show. Empathy can easily be weaponized, and true manipulation preys on it. This time around, empathy is being used to further a cause without the participants paying the required price for civil disobedience. Yes, I’m talking about the recent walkouts across America by underage political activists seeking to severely weaken (or abolish) the Second Amendment of the United States Constitution. I have no dog in this fight at the surface, but I do believe that the rights bestowed upon the American people should be as wide and far-reaching as possible and that attempts to limit or take away rights, no matter the rationale or net impact, should be placed under the most objective gaze of scrutiny. What interests me, however, is the common and far-reaching attempt to use empathy as a weapon in the war for the hearts of man.
Modern technology has us all convinced that we are more important than we are; that networks are proper surrogates for deeds. People measure their worth in the number of followers or page hits that they have, and no longer view themselves objectively through the lens of accomplishment. This false empowerment leads to a self-induced psychopathy at worst and an equally self-induced narcissism at best. We are witnessing a young generation feeding into their own echo chamber, in which their thoughts are amplified but no actual deed is created.