I realized that I was different than most people by late adolescence when relatives of mine began to die. Where my mother and other family members would be shedding tears over my grandmother’s death, I felt nothing. The only emotion I distinctly recall was being highly annoyed that I was woken so suddenly from my sleep late at night to be told that she was dying. Couldn’t that have waited until morning? It isn’t like I could save her life.
I remember more emotion from the funeral procession than the actual funeral. I was able to exhibit some aggressive driving by blocking others from crossing into the automobile procession than would normally be allowed. It was satisfying to cut some punk off that was trying to butt in and I remember smiling about my driving even during the funeral. I was the only happy, or at least non-distraught, face in the entire building. Others were sobbing and sobbing and distraught and so on. God was it annoying. Why on earth would people be wasting so much energy over someone’s death? I just don’t understand it. [Read more…]