Conscience

tjConscience

I asked several of my trusted acquaintances the following question: ‘How does one know whether they possess a conscience’?  The reaction I got was mostly that of a deer in someone’s headlights.  Does not everyone possess a conscience?

When we are little, we are taught all people possess good and that conscience is a process that we should obey at all times.  You can think of earlier cartoons, such as Tom and Jerry, where conscience is portrayed as a battle between two beings: angel and devil.  For the psychopath, there is no angel nor demon, there is only the psychopath herself and the tangibles she wants.  This is key to understanding and dismissing a popular misconception of psychopaths.  It is not that conscience is one-sided for the psychopath, often believed to be composed solely of the ‘devil’ in the aforementioned cartoon illustration, it is that conscience literally does not exist or exists in such a diminished capacity as to not register.  Most psychopaths do not do ‘bad’ things simply for the sake of being bad.  They do those things because it was considered appropriate for getting the item that they wanted.  Likewise, and a point that many do not wish to acknowledge, a psychopath may do ‘good’.  Once again, the good act is not done for the sake of goodness, but because the act was determined to be the easiest or most acceptable route to getting the wanted result. [Read more…]

Funeral

I realized that I was different than most people by late adolescence when relatives of mine began to die.  Where my mother and other family members would be shedding tears over my grandmother’s death, I felt nothing.  The only emotion I distinctly recall was being highly annoyed that I was woken so suddenly from my sleep late at night to be told that she was dying.  Couldn’t that have waited until morning?  It isn’t like I could save her life.

I remember more emotion from the funeral procession than the actual funeral.  I was able to exhibit some aggressive driving by blocking others from crossing into the automobile procession than would normally be allowed.  It was satisfying to cut some punk off that was trying to butt in and I remember smiling about my driving even during the funeral.  I was the only happy, or at least non-distraught, face in the entire building.  Others were sobbing and sobbing and distraught and so on. God was it annoying.  Why on earth would people be wasting so much energy over someone’s death?  I just don’t understand it. [Read more…]

Shapeshifting

Humans have created two accepted structures of being that they wish to correlate perfectly with the two dominant sexes.  People tend to be wary of the butch female or the effeminate male.  The notion that certain manners of dress, of speaking, of walking, of relating are so intrinsically tied to biological sex has been engrained in us from the day blue cigars were laid out for your arrival as a male.  That physical/behavioral paradigm has been cemented since the day you put on your first dress.  That notion is bullshit.

Being free of the fixation of what is considered moral and what is considered immoral have allowed me to realize that there is absolutely no reason why anyone can’t present whatever gendered characteristics they wish, regardless of their biological sex.  In the end, we are all just trying to be comfortable in our own skin.  Being transgender, I am mostly comfortable in the body I’ve constructed.  Being psychopathic, I am comfortable behind the masks I present. Together, I am a constant shapeshifter. [Read more…]

Psychogendered – An Introduction

So what is this blog all about?

The title of this site and blog is a double entendre. Psychogender is an archaic term that describes one’s perception of their own gender.  This psychogender may be different than the one traditionally determined by one’s anatomical sex.  I am transgender, although the subtleties of what this actually means will become apparent over the coming months.  Psychogender is also an amalgamation of two words: psychopath and transgender.  Yes, dear reader, I am also a psychopath. [Read more…]