A Radical Thought

How many victims are created by the thought that neuroplasticity is out of reach for some?  Restated, just how many people with personality disorders or mental illness succumb to caricature simply because they are told that they cannot improve?  Anyone that has followed my journey these past four and some years should know how I feel on this subject.  Sometimes, the best cure is simply to be told that one exists, and that it is worth fighting for.

When I was assessed psychopathic a little over four years ago, my therapist told me that I was essentially untreatable and that I was destined for a life of caricature.  I was told that I’d never have meaningful interpersonal relationships and that I could never shake the antisocial demons that lived inside of me.  While it is certainly true that my antisocial condition shapes my cognitions, the former assertion of not being able to have substantive interpersonal relationships was, simply, false.  However, it would take me several years to learn that I was being fed bullshit and that I had the keys to the kingdom all along.

I was told that I could only survive in pragmatic interpersonal relationships.  Quid pro quo.  When I believed this, I found that my self-esteem was non-existent, as I had been instructed to believe that no one would value me for whom I was.  I turned to pragmatic means, offering tangible and physical benefits to those around me in the form of gifts and services as a means of keeping others close.  What I failed to realize was that I had sold my soul in the process.  How could anyone value me for whom I was if I was simply hiding myself beyond those tangibles and non-personality driven aspects that I gave to others?  I was hemorrhaging resources, but I thought I had no other choice.

These days, my antisocial and Borderline facets are under tight control.  I need not worry about the harm I cause myself due to deleterious actions, for I have learned to keep those under wraps.  I did this in spite of the apparent odds and against the wisdom of those that proclaimed to “know better.”  Is it truly a radical thought to believe that others can do the same?  Why cannot others reject the call of feebleness and fatalism that those with the power espouse?  Why cannot we simply believe in ourselves and engage in the introspection and hard work that begets success?  Ignoring the obvious comfort factor of dwelling in one’s own shit, it should be obvious that most everyone can maximize their lived experience simply by refusing the tired narratives of requiems that should have never seen the light of day.  Own yourself.  Take flight!

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    I resonate so much with these posts that I honestly feel as if I am writing them as a second personality.

    Try psychedelic mushrooms and mdma, you will chemically feel real love for that added level of security. psilocybin can cause neurogenesis in the areas of the brain associated with emotions, love, ego, etc. mdma will make you feel euphoria and love

    I strongly suggest a test subject so as not to manipulate the shit out of someone you genuinely find yourself to care for, you may have unresolved trauma or bad trust issues that can make the intended recipient of your love to be completely off-put.

    Or even if you do fuck it up, you’ll learn from it and become a better person for the next one. Failure is a great start if you learn.

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