My continued evolution mirrors those that go to fetch water. At first, an individual will satisfy his own needs, and gather water from the well with his hands. He will be quenched, though he has no way to avoid going to the well in the future, as he has no way to retain the water he scoops up. He then returns with a canteen, satisfying his needs for a longer time and allowing for the storage of a sufficient amount of water. Finally, he returns with both canteen and pail, so that his needs are satisfied as well as those around him; he can return to others with the pail of water and continue his journey with the filled canteen. As an antisocial individual, I first obtained my necessities by deceit, considering only the moment when acting. I later learned measured restraint, finding ways to keep my needs met beyond the moment – ignoring derailing impulsivity for the moment – and was satisfied longer. Now, I am starting to learn to meet my needs in conjunction or in harmony with the needs of others. It may not be an automatic consideration, just as one fetching water may need to provide the pail himself, but the end result is all the same. What was once simplistic and only quenching in the moment is slowly evolving into a lifelong struggle to satisfy the needs of all. This weighs heavily on my mind as I continue to dwell on the nature of interpersonal relationships.
The most antisocial act one can commit is an act that steals the time of another. Broken bones heal, traumatic memories fade, but those hours, days, and years that one steals from another in the name of selfish deceit comprises the most horrific theft that can be known in our lifetimes. For this very reason, it is imperative that individuals enter interpersonal relationships with a heightened degree of openness and honesty. By being transparent, individuals can assess whether their time is being stolen and whether they should work toward the furthering of the interpersonal relationship or the cessation of such. Whether I have come to this realization via years of therapeutic conditioning or whether I merely value my time above others, which paradoxically implies that I not waste the time of others, is irrelevant. What is relevant, is that all parties involved can ultimately make their own decisions as to whether the sands of time are being paid for judiciously.
Kronos will eventually take that which is his. Our experiences during the infinitely small window we have on this earth are what eventually give life meaning. Many of my readers are numb to this. They are satisfied to live without meaning and without value. This post is not for them. To the rest of my readers, think closely on the following. To maximize one’s own time on this earth, those influences around you must be satisfied. Rarely can one truly take without giving in an increasingly interconnected world. However, one may receive from another the gift of valued time should he give the same. I do not believe that unidirectional interpersonal relationships satisfy my requirement to live life well. I want to receive as much as possible, and that can only be done by giving as much as possible to the interpersonal relationship. And, returning to the analogy this post was opened with, both canteen and pail must be paid for with honesty and transparency, lest no one’s needs be met at all. To return to a post earlier in this arc where I laid bare my internal deliberations regarding disclosure, I have come to realize that disclosure is not sufficient. One can disclose their antisocial status and offer nothing to another person, even if that other person decides such information is not deal-breaking. But if you offer nothing, you are unlikely to receive the gift of interconnectedness. Maybe that works for many of my readers, but it does not work for me. My canteen is full, it is time to bring water to those around me.