More on Disclosure

The question of disclosure has been weighing on my mind heavily as of late.  Under what circumstances should a psychopath or otherwise antisocial disclose their status and to whom?  I already see my antisocial readers rolling their eyes as they read these words.  “No true antisocial would reveal themselves,” they probably are thinking.  I certainly can understand that as the degree of disorder rises, the inclination to disclose weakens.  However, I do believe that there are matters that affect psychopaths that today’s zeitgeist of being “more antisocial than thou” silence.  I have reason to believe that I am not the only antisocial individual that seeks a bond with the world.  I also have reason to think that a level playing field is agreeable to many antisocials.  The reasons may vary, but ultimately there are legitimate thoughts that would lead to disclosure.  The reception may – at this stage of human progress – be chilling and unilaterally hostile, with some exceptions, but this is part of the calculus that any antisocial must perform when determining how he wishes to relate to another human being.  I encourage all of my readers to put down their preconceptions and defenses for a moment and examine the charged subject of disclosure.

The primary motivator for the antisocial to disclose their status, I suspect, is a desire to make meaningful human connections.  I would be rich if I could profit over the lamentations of antisocial individuals that leave a trail of destruction in their interpersonal relationships and then complain that they are friendless and loveless.  As intimacy grows between two individuals, the desire to share more and more sacred information increases, further increasing the intimacy of those individuals.  Most people hide things because they are afraid that another person will judge them harshly based off some characteristic.  Yes, most would react poorly to a revelation of antisocial proclivity, but at the same time, those that weathered that storm would be infinitely more desirable to keep in the antisocial’s life, analogous to how many LGBT individuals cherish their allies – those that do not judge them.  I am unsure whether I would want to keep people in my life that could not handle my psychopathy.  I’ve written countless times of the fatigue I have with presenting a false face, and I do value those that see me for who I am and do not run.  I must perform my own calculus with respect to my feelings of desolation and solitude versus the state of being with others but as a false person.  I am conflicted, but I desire true company whether than faux interaction, so I am inclined to disclose.

I do not believe that everyone is entitled to knowing such knowledge.  The distinction that I make in terms of choosing whom to disclose to is the degree to which my interpersonal relationship is defined by choice.  If two individuals choose to be together as friends or lovers, then they should be consciously working toward strengthening that relationship at all times.  Deception is not a tool for such, regardless of intent.  On the other hand, those relationships that are based in chance are less appropriate for a revelation of this magnitude.  Why?  These individuals have limited ways out if they cannot deal with such truth.  As such, family does not need to know in the same manner as those that could reevaluate an interpersonal relationship on their own terms.  This reasoning is dictated by my longing for an equal playing field.  What I mean by this is that two individuals should have legitimate input and defenses in an interpersonal relationship.  What fun is there in manipulating if the target has no chance of fighting back?  What honor is there in taking advantage of another person when they cannot defend?  Not all antisocials believe in this principle, but it is a convoluted code that I hold myself to.  That said, I didn’t always have such a code.

We all get out of interpersonal relationships energy proportional to that which we are willing to put in.  If one or both individuals are unwilling to put forth a good faith effort, than what is the point of the relationship?  As part of making connections with other people, especially those that are close enough to be considered friends or partners, one should be ready to reveal themselves for who they are.  In this frame of mind, the prosociality is not as important as the intensity and intimacy gained within the interpersonal relationship by being transparent.  Not everyone is entitled to the truth, and many will never disclose, but it should not be categorically off the table if an antisocial wishes to have a place in the world beyond friendless, destructive loner.  Maybe the reader finds such a position of objective desolation to be sufficient, but I do not.

In the Name of Tragedy
Zeitgeist of the Heart - Sentencing and Rehabilitation

Comments

  1. MMS says

    A number of psychopaths maintain they have an innate ability to recognize other psychopaths, so in such cases disclosure would happen involuntarily.

    I was wondering if you have this instinct to identify psychopaths – and if it is the case with any of your psychopathic readers.

    • FNP says

      It’s not so much about psychopath-radar or anything like that. It’s really more about seeing the same behaviors that I exhibit that make it apparent to me that the person I’m interacting with is, at the very least, similar to me, if not psychopathic.

  2. beneficii says

    Have you heard of the board game Diplomacy? This game I think would be right up a psychopath’s alley.

    In Diplomacy, you play on a pre-World War I map of Europe and control one of seven Great Powers: U.K., France, Germany, Austria-Hungary, Italy, Russia, and the Ottoman Empire. 6 other players control the others. The rules of the game are simple and they harbor no randomness. The object of the game is to obliterate your opponents and conquer Europe.

    The mainstay of the game is the negotiation phase that takes place before each move. In the negotiation phase, you can talk with any of the Powers however much you want. You can make deals, plead, cajole, and make (in-game) threats. The game does not require you to tell the truth during negotiations; you can promise the world to another Power and then stab them in the back right that very turn. To win, you need to make alliances and then betray your allies at the right time, in general.

    Maybe this is a way to get out your psychopathic urges?

    • says

      As a psychopath who has played Diplomacy, I can say for certainty that it doesn’t make me want to calm my psychopathic urges. If anything, that game makes me want to actually stab people in the back.

      It’s basically the Mario Party of board games.

  3. henry says

    I know what the condition is. I know what behaviours one is likely to do. You can control the worst parts of it, though it is not easy.
    It is not to your benefit to be diagnosed. Just like you dont tell people your unlind thought, thus you keep your thoughts to yourself.
    Please remember that an NT came up with this name and thia label.
    These guys have their own confusions in life. They aree more emotionally manipulative than most. Tjey are dishonest to themselves. The truth could swat them in the face but they prefer the emotional feelings instead.
    A label is a tool to identify something.
    All I am saying is make absolutely sure you know where you stand on before you believe anything an NT says.
    An NT has his sanity to protect. Thats why they engage in manipulations. You can see where your emotions end and theirs begin. Embracing a label from an NT is making a big mistake.

    • FNP says

      With this kind of logic, you can justify anything for any reason, based on the fact that someone called something a word…

      • Rosie says

        I only have one sociopathic ex and it has taken a long time to understand everything and now I do. I am not lying about this experience. Where did you get that from?! Anyway disclosure is everything and honesty at the outset would have been great. Never mind.

        • FNP says

          Well, I mean, it could be from the part where you’ve had 8 other stories about people who can’t possibly be the same person, but they’re all your ex.

          Or it could be the part where you have this idea in your head that this site is talking about how bad psychopaths are like psychopathfree does.

          Really, it’s a combination of those plus the fact you keep responding to completely different things that aren’t about you. Hint: the entire comments section is not about you.

  4. Rosie says

    I agree whole heartedly with your comment about disclosing in relationships. My ex never told me and I was always trying to figure out things and different behaviours. When he wrote me and a friend read it, he said to me “I think you need to Google tendencies of a sociooarh”. I had no idea what it meant and when I read it, everything made sense, even his last words to me “you played a game with me didn’t you”. If he has told me I would not have cared cos I saw everything and still loved him and at least I would have known his level of feeling would be zero and it wud not have come as the biggest shock of the century which led to me walking away. I miss him like crazy and I’m sure he has moved on now. For a 60 year old he has so much fun and is young at heart.

    • FNP says

      You might have a problem. This is like the 9th different story you’ve told about 9 completely different exes you’ve supposedly had.

      And you think psychopaths are pathological liars…

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