Willfully Deaf – Psychopath and Neurotypical Relations

I am fairly open with my psychopathy with those that deserve to know – namely close friends and acquaintances.  I am open because I have become tired of masking.  If the close friend or acquaintance is as close as I believe them to be, then they should be able to accept me in a state where I am being myself.  I don’t want to have to feign affective empathy with these people.  I don’t want to appear as a saint, either.  I just want to be authentic as it is simply too taxing to be fake all of the time.  That said, some within my social orbit have taken it better than others.  I won’t say that anyone has taken it poorly, but I believe that there are some that simply choose not to listen to the words I am saying.  They are willfully deaf.

I assume that part of the reason that many would not acknowledge confirmed psychopathy lies within the highly charged word itself.  The vast majority of psychopaths are in trouble with the law and many have done quite heinous deeds.  The media we consume shows the worst case scenarios of those with the condition – even if the best case isn’t necessarily savory either.  When one is conditioned to believe that psychopaths are harbingers of destruction, it becomes a sort of defense mechanism to blind oneself from the psychopath in front of them.  I suspect that this mechanism is not unlike a socially conservative parent ignoring her child’s homosexuality.  What is not acknowledged is foolishly believed not to exist.

I’ve noticed that several in my circle – after I have explained to them in depth the nature of the personality construct – try to rationalize my words by dismissing the severity of the condition.  “Oh, I’m not a weepy person either.”  “I once shoplifted when I was young.”  “But you seem like such a nice person.”  When confronted with an inconvenient truth, many will simply distort the truth into something more pleasing.  Deep down they do not want to accept that I simply do not care about them beyond what one would care about any possession.  I am not surrounded by humans, but rather I am surrounded by means to an end.  Yes, I may enjoy the company of those around me and I may act in a prosocial manner to ensure my well-being, but none of this should be confused for the emotional and empathic bonds that neurotypicals form with each other.

Whether one in my network accepts my condition or not is ultimately irrelevant.  I will continue to live my life as I always have.  I may be a bit miffed with those that seek to dismiss my differences, but ultimately this may be the price of admission for showing my true face.  I cannot be something that I am not, regardless of whether someone perceives me as something I am not.

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