Pump My Stomach, I’ve Been Drinking Poison Again

The neurotypical is not completely unlike the psychopath when it comes to taking responsibility.  Sure, maybe they are willing to take responsibility for a fuck-up at work or a missed appointment, but they never take responsibility for their own self-inflicted wounds.  I’m thinking primarily of interpersonal relationships gone south.  A relationship should be ended whenever a party is harmed; you don’t get to scream ‘abuse’ when you could have chosen not to stick your hand on the hot stove repeatedly.  If you missed every single warning sign that another may inflict damage upon you, then get actively harmed, and still choose not to leave … well you have no one to blame but yourself.

In an ideal world, there would be no abusers.  However, this is not the case.  We teach preparation and caution.  “Avoid using a space heater next to fabric.”  “Don’t go out after dark without a buddy.”  “Don’t drink free-standing water.”  We don’t blame the space heater when it starts a fire because someone shoved trash in it.  We don’t fault the gas station for not being closer when we run out of gas.  There has to be a modicum of responsibility for one’s actions.  This certainly applies to people in toxic relationships.

Every excuse as to why one cannot leave a poisonous interpersonal relationship is just that: an excuse.  Don’t cry about staying for the kids.  Don’t whimper about having nowhere else to go.  If you are being mistreated, end the fucking relationship.  And, don’t jump to conclusions as to why the other was an abuser.  Some people are bad people and it has nothing to do with skin-color, neurodivergence, socioeconomic status, etc.  To start assigning labels is to further fall away from the responsibility that should be taken.

No one is going to look out for your life but yourself.  Stop faulting everyone else for those hurdles that come your way.  Accept responsibility when necessarily and cut out those toxic interpersonal relationships as appropriate.  While it is not your fault that you were mistreated, it is your fault if you realize this and keep drinking poison.

Flying too Close to the Sun
Neurocide

Comments

  1. Anon Still says

    How can a 2-dimensional person perceive a 3-D world?

    What ties relationships together – as you’ve tried to figure out – is emotions. There’s also a spiritual component in a genuine relationship.

    Ask your therapist if she (?) agrees with the above.

    Bear in mind that you’re being disengenuous. We both know that a toxic person a) hides their toxicity (so we can’t recognise that they’re abusers) b) plays games with that toxicity i.e. reveals it, then conceals it and love-bombs.

    From our side, as neurotypicals, we invest in a relationship. Neurotypicals are usually VERY forgiving in relationships because we ourselves are so flawed that we give the benefit of the doubt to others. Since relationships mean so much to us – we’re wired to co-operate and worry all the time about our relationships – and since we’re getting conflicting signals (love-bomb / devalue) we get cognitive dissonance. Once that’s resolved and we wake up to what’s been going on then we leave.

    The waking up process is a time of great confusion to us. It HURTS us to break off relationships.

    Without relationships there would be no society. A society of psychopaths is impossible.

    It’s interesting that you compare toxic people to harmless objects e.g. a space heater. If we saw that the space heater was actually a shark of course we’d avoid it.

    • Jessica Kelly says

      I refuse to believe neurotypicals are so dumb as to not be able to realize that they are being mistreated. If this is true, the collective IQ of the bunch must be room temperature.

  2. says

    I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years and had many reasons for staying, none of which were valid in hindsight. And whilst I don’t feel that I in any way deserved to be treated that way, I do take responsibility for having allowed it for so long.

    Abusive partners can be extremely good at hiding what they are doing, I know that I didn’t realise just how much I had been manipulated by my partner until I left. And I kicked myself for a long time for not leaving sooner. Whilst I empathise wholeheartedly with abuse victims, and also understand every reason they have for staying, we do still need to take responsibility for our own actions within the relationship.

    And as for neurotypical people investing in relationships, people with psychiatric disorders invest just as much, if not more. Things that neurotypicals may find easy or view as simple interactions can be hard work when you are trying to manage symptoms and work around difficulties those symptoms can pose. And I have never known a neurotypical person be as invested in me as I have in them. Ever.

  3. Anon says

    Personally, I take zero responsibility for the sick fuck who couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and who continues to stalk and creep, two years after I kicked his ass to the curb.

    Another disingenuous article, Jessica. Many neurotypicals leave – or try to leave – when they work out that they’re not really hugging a sheep, but a big bad wold inside a sheep-suit.

    It’s not the neurotypical’s fault that the wolf is a clinging, threatening, blackmailing, raping, stalking, abusing, thieving pain in the ass that just won’t take ‘get lost’ for an answer, now, is it?

    Perhaps you could explore the concept of taking responsibility for one’s own actions in your next therapy session?

      • Anon Still says

        It’s called relationships.

        When you don’t care – as in a P – then it’s not a problem. Pick up and leave.

        When we do care – as in neurotypicals – it is a problem.

        What – if anything – do you care about? From reading your blog, nothing.

        How then can we relate the concept of ‘caring’ to someone who doesn’t understand it?

        Anyhow, re. an earlier comment of yours:

        ‘I refuse to believe neurotypicals are so dumb as to not be able to realize that they are being mistreated. If this is true, the collective IQ of the bunch must be room temperature. ‘

        a) treating neurotypicals en masse, though you complain about nts treating Ps en masse.
        b) yes, we are dumb. Because we’re tricked. We don’t live in a world where there’s nothing but emptiness. We have something called hope – genuine hope. It means fighting for dreams. Since relationships are such an integral part of nt’s experience, we fight for relationships.

        Anyway, I’m grateful for your blog. I respect your attempts to – hopefully – understand … yourself? The world? In that, you join the ranks of many neurotypicals. Whoever or whatever you are, you have the right to be here. You’re part of life. I also respect that.

        Your blog has been a great help to me personally to gain ‘some’ sort of insight into Ps. Your thoughts make real what I’ve experienced and read about.

        • FNP says

          By and large, most of the people I’ve come across who were in an abusive relationship and left it successfully just walked right into another abusive relationship. It’s not anything to do with the relationships, it’s all about the type of person.

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