Lethal Dose: Refusing to Leave Cluster B Interpersonal Relationships

A Borderline resorts to emotional manipulation.  The narcissist steals the light from his acquaintances.  The antisocial deliberately harms.  At what point do you pack your bags and leave?  The victims of Cluster B disorders have the ultimate say in any interpersonal relationship they share with the damned.  The Borderline pushes and pulls and puts up a disguise that everything will be different “this time.”  The narcissist plays so long as his ego as fed.  The antisocial is looking for an outlet for sadism.  The intentions of each Cluster B disorder I mention are inherently clear.  It is not their fault when someone else puts their hand on the stove, knowing full and well that only pain will come when interacting with these hell-bringers.  Maybe instead of faulting the individual with BPD, NPD, or ASPD, we should fault those foolish enough to take a lethal dose of bad behavior.

People are positively shocked when their own actions land them in hot water.  Maybe they are delusional and believe that they are the chosen ones to remove the taint from those afflicted with Cluster B disorders.  At some point you have to abandon your masochism and realize that the forsaken are not going to ever change.  They may mitigate their behaviors, but the foul taste will always remain.  People become intertwined with the lives of the damned and, even though they can simply leave, they stay put thinking that “tomorrow will be different.”  Tomorrow will not be different.  If you want to overdose, don’t blame anyone but yourself for ignoring the interactions on the proverbial pill bottle.

Maybe it is not fair to label the clusterfuck squad as being deliberate with their actions, as the etiology of each disorder is usually out of the control of the affected mind, but we don’t ask ourselves why the beast cannibalizes those around itself – we stay far away.  It is okay to reject an interpersonal relationship with anyoneespecially those who are disordered.  But, in today’s “progressive” world, we find it impossible to avoid black clouds if we were to do such.  It is as if we are telling ourselves that it would be unfair to the floor if we did not stand on its exposed, rusty nails.  Madness.

If you are being harmed, leave.  If you are unsatisfied, leave.  If you want to leave for any reason, leave.  There are no merit badges for masochism.  Yet, many trip over one another for the chance to commit mental suicide by getting too close with those that have severe personality disorders. We should not blame those that are disordered; we should blame those that are too naive to leave when confronted with excruciating anguish for drinking poison.  There are no rounds of applause for ingesting hemlock, only the screams inside your head that will never leave, knowing that you alone are responsible for surrounding yourself with toxicity with no escape route in sight.

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Comments

  1. GNW says

    Makes perfect sense, and I am guilty of false hope and the belief that tomorrow may be different, but how does a mother “leave” her son?

    • Jessica Kelly says

      People often believe that because there are familial ties, that abuse or toxicity should be taken and unconditional love returned. This is horseshit. If you are being hurt, leave. Do not let the fact that the instigator is family sway what should be a logical decision.

      • MA32 says

        While I cannot say you’re wrong, it isn’t always easy to make the right decision. You are a very detached person, so for you it wouldn’t be difficult to just walk away from a toxic (or even a not so toxic) relationship. However people usually get attached, which doesn’t make it easy.

        • GNW says

          Exactly. He is still a very young man and regardless of what the diagnosis or prognosis is, I consider myself to still be “raising” him in a sense. And even if he feels so real love or empathy towards me, I love him, and my heart breaks for him. I have put up boundaries and have set clear rules and consequences and I stick to them. I’ve learned how to remove the emotion from the negative events, and how to not trigger an event. And that alone is helping us live under the same roof and have more healthy days than bad.

          • MA32 says

            What do you think made him like that? You seem like a caring person and you’ve bond with him, you don’t seem like an abuser at all. Is there any recorded cases in your family (except for this one) of antisocial behaviour? Were you or your husband too permissive with him?
            Also, did you take him to a therapist to get properly diagnosed?

        • GNW says

          There are no other diagnosed people in our family with anything close to what my son is demonstrating. My sister was dx’d with BPD but it was retracted and they went with OCD, depression and anxiety. My son was also dx’d with BPD. but to me it sounds much more than that. I see full blown narcissism, manipulative, pathological liar, extremely introverted, calculated and intelligent, no empathy, incapable of admitting a wrongdoing or apologizing, can’t keep relationships, gets extremely agitated and angry, locks himself in his room, bullies me for money, steals anything from money, pills and jewelry to books, DVDs, games, etc.; has wrecked 4 cars and hit 3, including 2 hit and runs, several speeding tickets, violated a PFA, larceny, illegal drugs, tells elaborate stories and seems to believe them to be logical. The list goes on and on. There has never been any abuse in the family, and my husband and I were moderately strict. Raised in a Catholic family, went to church every week, he’s now an atheist. The only “big” things, aside from his gender dysphoria (which wasnt discovered under a couple of years ago) that happened was my mom dying, a friend of ours committing suicide, some marital problems (arguing, infidelity) about ten years ago, and some health problems (urinary and bladder issues since childhood). Therapists never lasted. He’s gone through many. Has not been in therapy in over a year.

          • MA32 says

            was he close to your mom? Did his health problems stopped him from doing things kids his age usually do? Was it embarrassing/ made him get left behind in some activities for any reason?

    • says

      I’m sorry things are going this way for you, and I hope stuff works out. Obviously even if it is possible to “leave”, it will be a very difficult and painful process (I don’t think PG and some others who frequent this blog are capable of fully appreciating a parent-child bond, as psychopaths’ children mean little to them compared to non-psychopaths’ family bonds.) If it helps, a lot of families seem to have a toxic person, so you’re far from alone. If you haven’t already, perhaps you could get advice from others in your situation on sites or forums (I haven’t seen any that are for parents with toxic kids, but there’s bound to be some).

      • GNW says

        Appreciate that comment. Regardless of everything said, this is still my kid. I brought him into this world, and he struggles daily. No one else on the planet wants to deal with him, and I cannot abandon my kid. If he leaves and says screw you, then so be it, but as long as he is here, and keeps his promise to not endanger the lives of the family members living in this house, or steal from us, then I’m going to keep trying to help (not enable) him however I can.

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