While not always true, there seems to be a level of fragility that affects the most narcissistic of minds. These individuals are so egocentric and so vain that the slightest bit of evidence contrary to their worldview is treated as a fatal exception in processing by their minds. They cannot reconcile reality with their distortions and revert to animals mortally threatened by their own shattered delusions. Rejection becomes the bullet to the brain as they can neither see another’s perspective nor their own inflated and unattainable expectations. The grandest and most beautiful structures can be built with wicker, but no one should be surprised when they eventually burst into flames.
I walk an especially fine line with my own psyche. Grounded in a nihilistic reality, I often expect the worst even if I remain convinced that my will is more important than the will of any other. Afflicted with Borderline Personality Disorder, I am sensitive to the interpersonal dance that defines my days. My narcissism and egocentrism remain at my side, dictating my ultimate directive: self-glory. As such, I find that my kevlar armor has holes in the fabric, sometimes shielding me from psychic harm and sometimes letting the smallest wound-seeking projectile through to my mass. When expectations are properly set, I am invulnerable. When I am voraciously swallowing the ego snacks around me, however, I am setting myself up for disaster. My helm is one of balsa wood and diamond; it all depends on the type of shattered delusion or missed expectation that determines the blood loss.
When man believes himself to be God, his own blood must serve as a reminder of incongruence. Gods are impervious to harm, and man is not. As the delusion and disconnect increases between reality and fantasy, the Achilles’ Heel becomes exposed. What the neurotypical would brush off as unfortunate or a instance of bad luck becomes a logical contradiction within the mind of the narcissist. They may become paralyzed by their own heartbeat.
My will is supreme and I will resort to nearly any means necessary to bring the heavens to the earth. When I can no longer touch the stars, I will lament the curse of flesh. However, I also keep in mind that egocentrism need not dictate such a fate. When reality battles will, will can always find a way to find self-affirming glory. One can reframe expectations such that silver is a worthy replacement for gold. It’s not the loss that matters in the moment, but its position relative to the wins. To set oneself up as immortal is to be sorely disappointed when the unholy mass tears through synapse and vessel. Even gods can die. We must not let our egocentrism and narcissism become our greatest weakness when the will and desire are, in fact, our best soldiers.