I grow tired of everyone trying to justify my condition. “Oh it must have been due to abuse; it’s okay to act this way as a result.” “Obviously your genetics are flawed and you can’t control that, it’s okay.” I’ve heard countless other pathetic excuses as well. Some of these are used by those that want to fake ASPD and/or psychopathy for some reason and some of them are from those that wish to white knight my condition. Everyone needs to cut out their tongues and these words. I am a demon. I am created in God’s image and it is my choice as to whether I will live or die by this condition. The choices I make determine my humanity, not the warbling of the social justice movements seeking to make saints out of the condemned.
How I got here is irrelevant. Based on everything that I’ve heard, antisocial genes are presumably found in those that came before me. Had I the ability to have children, they would undoubtedly be antisocial as well. Yes, my childhood was traumatic. So fucking what? The etiology of the condition as it manifests in me does not matter to me, so it should not matter to others. What does matter is whether I will fall as a result.
I struggle. I struggle. I cave. All the restraint in the world eventually fails unless death takes us first. We all fall. My struggles to remain in the good graces of society and those around me should not be dismissed. However, those that seek to justify my condition are dishonoring me. They dismiss my struggles as irrelevant as I walk the tightrope, surrounded by fire and pitch on all sides. They believe they are creating a safety net, but they are merely creating dissonance. Please, spare me. All of the “understanding” in the world will do me no good if I falter. I must own my condition while ensuring that it does not own me. It is an exotic animal that would turn on me if I do not take care of it. I must honor it but I can never allow it to go for my throat. Please give me the respect I deserve. Please be reverent.