Psychopathic Self-Destruction – Our Eyes and the Beaks of Crows

A far too familiar noun in my dreams is the wood chipper.  Being run through it, running others through it; these dreams are those that I am less thrilled to have (not that I have many pleasant dreams).  Several times a month, it comes back to haunt me with its familiar one-note song and bloody imagery.  I don’t exactly know what it symbolizes, but I suspect that ‘total destruction’ is on top of the list of possible interpretations.  As always, I walk a fine line between ruining myself, ruining others, and assimilating as the gentle, good-natured, gentrified psychopath that I am supposed to be on this earth.  The forces are always at an uneasy truth and I have my bumps, but ultimately I’ve done a pretty good job at staying out of jail and in the good graces of society.

However, I bring this up because a haunting realization has come upon me as of late.  I used to write to champion those like me; those ASPD and/or psychopathic individuals that somehow make life work.  Over the years, however, I have come to realize that I am nearly alone on this front.  Who then am I actually talking to?  Why do I continue?  I’m not saying I’m going anywhere, but the blood, sweat, and tears that I put in seem forced the longer I remain as ‘pg’.

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Gravity

This is a continuation of the previous post.  The crux of my dilemma in last night’s post was that I was unsure whether one’s natural state can be augmented.  If psychopaths are animalistic, can they evolve to be human?  Restated, does one’s past dictate one’s future?  Or, because of our modicum of free will, are we given the opportunity to have a future that diverges from our past?  I spoke with many readers and read comments from many more as the concept seemed quite polarizing.  However, I think I’ve answered my question.  Because we have free will, however limited that may be, we have the opportunity to break free of whatever alignment we are born with or become.  It may not be easy; it may require contortions, but we have that opportunity as humans.

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Animals

Therapy fucked me up tonight.  I’m starting to lose sight of the narrative I’ve constructed over the past few years.  Now, challenging any narrative for validity is always a good thing, but I feel especially troubled given how correct I thought my narrative was.  I used to believe that everyone born from a human mother’s womb was human, but now I’m not so sure.  “We try to learn to be people, but at the end of the day we are still animals,” I said dejectedly to my therapist.  She did not refute my statement.

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Less Empathy by Those in Power, Please

I recently wrote a lengthy piece for Trigger Warning regarding the pitfalls of empathy in regard to political thought.  The upshot of that musing is that empathy polarizes the political landscape not between those with and those without empathy but between those who focus their empathy on different targets.  Those without empathy, in theory, should be immune to the zeitgeists of the political landscape, having no one to empathize with except themselves.  An obvious follow-up question would be: is it better or worse to have those with empathy in power versus those without?

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Salem

So many seek to inflict mortal damage rather than understand another’s point of view.  It starts with one person who has cast their humanity aside.  Then, one by one, others join in as a means of engaging in “holy” vengeance.  In the end, the flames of the executioner’s pyre are fanned and splash onto those that lit the fuel.  It spirals into chaos as those attacking the original victim begin to assault one another as a means of determining purity.  It is a bloody mess with heatseeking missiles that are drawn to all.

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