The Honest Psychopath – Warts and All

When speaking of honesty and psychopaths and whether an honest psychopath even exists, I think it is important to discern between a lack of pathological lying and the act of being forthright with the condition.  I do not believe that the former exists; we psychopaths have silver tongues that can spin any story.  I do believe the latter can exist as I fall into that category.  I may not reveal to everyone my condition, but I see no harm in letting myself be known in full for those that inquire.  I do this for three reasons: I wish to be a trusted source on the subject and its discourse; I am tired of hiding behind masks that drain my energy; and I believe that ultimately my freedom depends on a restraint fueled by the lack of a safety net.

There would be little reason for the honest psychopath to reveal her condition unless there was something in it for them.  Maybe one seeks the sympathy of another attuned to mental disorders.  Maybe the individual wants others to know that she is not to be aggravated.  Or, maybe there is a bit of narcissistic satisfaction to be had.  I fall into this last camp.  I want to be a source on the subject in terms of the experiences had by the successful psychopath.  We hear far too often of those that end up in prison and not nearly enough of those of us that slink about undetected each day.  For progress to be made, one of the shadow denizens must come forward.  I’m willing to be that person for my own reasons.

However, in intimate circles with friends and (sometimes) family, the motivation for being “honest” is quite different.  At nearly thirty years of age, I am tired.  I am tired of pretending to be empathic.  I am tired of pretending to be compassionate.  I am tired of hiding my misanthropic hostility toward the world.  Every time I put on my mask to emulate one of these conditions, the mask cracks more and more.  Eventually masking would be the same as not masking, so why not head this off at the pass?  It simply makes more sense for my own mental health to be myself around those that I know can handle it.  Maybe I’ll mask with a future paramour, but in the meantime I have to save my reserves by being completely open in those areas that I can.

Finally, I believe that being open – especially through my writing – allows me extra reinforcement when it comes to showing restraint.  The open and honest psychopath cannot plead ignorance if the reckoning day should finally come.  I know myself too well.  If I believe I can wiggle out of a jam, I will behave poorly.  However, if I believe that my fate is sealed if I choose to act a certain way, then I will not.  By being open, I ensure that my proverbial fate is sealed if I make a mess out of things.  Without my safety net, I can only strive for perfection.  This may not involve prosocial behavior 100% of the time, but it ensures that my antisocial proclivities mostly stay between my ears.

There are reasons to choose to be forthright with this condition.  For the overwhelming majority of individuals that are psychopaths, successful or not, it is best to remain in the shadows.  For those that want to be at the cutting edge of the unknown, save their reserves, and galvanize their restraint, there may be no better option than to drop the mask and to show everything, warts and all.

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  1. NT says

    “I am tired of hiding behind masks that drain my energy;”

    This fascinates me, Jess. It is something that I have wondered about with regards to my own interactions with personality disordered individuals.

    Specifically, the girl who got me interested in psychology (which I previously dismissed as soft science hokum until I started seeing the data coming out of the neuroscience community proving the psychologists right) was lying to me left, right and centre, and I remember at the time discussing my struggles with her with my best mate and commenting that it must be EXHAUSTING for her keeping up the pretence. Ensuring that you are thinking three steps ahead of everyone else so that you can keep your story straight, and then having to calculate which lie to select that has the highest probability of confusing/convincing the subject into dropping the issue when they are getting nosey, etc, etc. Now this girl I was involved with wasn’t very good at it, and the reason was that she wasn’t psychopathic but borderline. In my experience, borderlines aren’t very good at masking because their emotions are too wild. She made child-like mistakes. It was almost like she was three years old looking up at her dad saying, “It wasn’t me!” with chocolate smeared all over her face. Transparent.

    Sociopaths and psychopaths are WAY better at hiding it. It was only because I came across Snakes in Suits that I could even consider the possibility that I was being screwed at work by one of my best friends, and that he’d possibly been doing it for years. There was one particular event last year which allowed me to start seeing him for what he was, and luckily because I’d read that book, I could identify the sociopathic abandonment happening before my eyes. And I started drawing hypotheses as to whether he was screwing me behind my back or not. I created “experiments” to test this, and while none were conclusive until the very end, there was enough doubt to make me question his integrity. But importantly, I never had the same feeling that it was “difficult” for him as I did with the borderline girl. Lying and deceiving seemed to be effortless for him.

    So I do question your assertion that it is tiring for psychopaths keeping the mask on. I wonder if it’s not your borderline bits that cause the exhaustion you experience?

    • Jessica Kelly says

      I’ll admit, this is an interesting hypothesis you pose. I’m not entirely sure, but I do believe that any action that requires energy expenditure can lead to exhaustion if repeated sufficiently over time. The emotional components related to Borderline are not very strong in me either, sans those related to abandonment by very select people. If I have nothing else to talk about with my therapist the next time I see her, I will query her with such a hypothesis – I’m willing to reframe my argument if she is in agreement with you.

    • says

      Hmm I was raised in a tight family… 3 brothers 1 sister. I have moved all over the usa.over 22 different schools seen 16 states.. I’m blond hair and blue eyes man now but then I was a boy. I almost never had a bully cus I liked it when I didn’t have to beat my brother’s up any more. I started liking the attention the big boy were giving me and started beating them when they beat me… I would play games with them before I move I’ll find u alone.. and I did and did but. With me I stop when they started crying.

      • says

        Everyone in my family says I am and I pray to God Almighty to give me strength. But but like u say its a mask. Lucky for me I’m a good actor. Been In jail 7 times. I want freedom. Not gay not straight. Ppl say I hav no sense of humor.. I like my own jokes

        • says

          Just something about pysical pain that releases me. Rejection is cus I don’t do the will of the father. I must tend to God’s sheep whom at night bleed and I feed myself with freedom and right when I my made for him and I won’t be afraid

          • FNP says

            A day later and I still can’t figure out if you’re a shitty troll, someone who confused psychopath and psychotic, or simply a fuckwit…

    • says

      I was raised by the bible. Been beat and beat by my mom and dad for lieing. I still do it I have had my teeth knocked out of my head and my jaw broke by a nigger at gun point. I am and always will be Matt goslee

    • FNP says

      Reasons why I think you’re a troll/idiot/fuckwit?

      1. You type like a 12 year old.
      2. Your story is a copypasta.
      3. You use a ton of posts to say would could be said in 1.
      4. You’re trying to talk to me about your god. I honestly couldn’t give less of a shit.
      5. You feel the need to say things like “nigger”. I get that black people are stupid and lazy, but you would get your message across a lot better if you didn’t sink below the level of Nazis like me.
      6. You assume I want to fit in with anybody, which means you really have no idea what psychopaths are actually like. We don’t give a shit about fitting in, though we’ll pretend to for whatever reasons we use, but in general, we’re all pretty much the type of people who don’t actually want to “be normal”.
      7. You think that something you did when you were 3 makes you a killer (who hasn’t killed yet, rofl). It doesn’t even make you antisocial, let alone a psychopath. It makes you a little kid.
      8. Your story about “John” shows you know full well that you’re empathetic. It also shows everyone else that you’re pathetic.
      9. Why would I care about what some magical sky fairy thinks of me? All that matters is what I think of me.

      As an armchair psychologist, my “dx” of you would clearly be “whiny little bitch”.

  2. says

    There was a saying at one point in this 7000 year time line, imagination is better than knowledge because knowledge has it’s limits.. why u want to fit In when fitting in the his world is only temporary

  3. says

    Okay when I get was 22 I thought it would be cool to hunt for shrooms with my brother who had the truck.. so I bring him to a field I sighted and had a lot growing in cow shit. That night we loaded our bags full and we where leaving I thought it would be cool to mock the the farmer by playing lights laber fights as we walked to the fence… That being said.. well I woke up the pit bulls that started barking John screamed at me that I was dumb. I asked him why and as soon as I turned around the framers had their truck lights on and started off in the direction the dog where going. I knew to run, my brother folded up. JOHN I screamed at him RUN. So he did and I jumped straight threw the first Barb wire fence and help John over it. Then I said fallow me and he said no it’s that way and with out hesatation I went my way and he I don’t know…

    • says

      Any ways I went to the truck and feel asleep on The floor board and had a big knife held to my chest and farmers tried to wake me up but I acted like I didn’t hear them the said get the tags so when they left I perked up and drove off circleing the blocked off the farm to find my bro then I came back to the front door of the farmers house and was going to ask the. Where my bro was but the pit bulls where there so I went behind a big pine tree with the knife and waited…

      • says

        I look out behind the pine tree that was in front of that farms door and made eye contact with a very pretty white head pit bull and I thought oh shit here it comes but the farmer stuck his head out and siad Hey hey shut up dogs get back here now Now
        And they did….

    • says

      One of my first memorys is of me playing in a kiddy pool with a fresh leter of kittens and me putting they in the water wondering if they can swim or hold thier breath.. I killed all 4 of them and didn’t even care untill mom got home and screamed

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