I slept soundly last night. Most of the time my dreams are nightmares and I get little sleep. However, last night’s dreams were pleasant. I dreamed of highly erotic knife play and grotesque violence. I could feel the warm blood covering my body. I could feel the rush of harming another. It was all very placid to me. I bring this up because in my discussion with other antisocial and / or psychopathic leaning individuals, I’ve noticed a trend. We all harbor violent thoughts and fantasies but the successful among us realize that these desires cannot be acted upon. Our minds may wander to the most violent of places but we recognize that our hands cannot follow suit.
The stories in the news are all too familiar. We hear weekly of people that engage in great violence just to see what it feels like. Young adolescents forfeit their lives in the name of murder. Activities like the “knockout game” are prevalent. Antisocials want blood on their hands; they want to feel like gods and wear proverbial warpaint. While I am unconvinced that the neurotypical need be different on this front, I do recognize that the probability of such desire is probably higher for antisocial or psychopathic individuals than neurotypicals. The greatest sport is man it would seem.
Is the time of your life worth it though? The thought of violence brings a smile to my face but I realize that I cannot act on such desire. I value my freedom too much. I hear time and time again of my brethren’s desires to do the same, but my answer to their inquiries is always the same: the psychopath that crosses the line risks their greatest gift, their freedom. Society does not tolerate unjustified violence. The greatest distinction between those psychopaths that are successful and those that are without worth is their ability to show restraint. My fantasies must remain in their walled realm. The space between nightmare and fantasy may be one of euphoria, but it cannot be one of a reality.