Meltdown

I am a very irritable person.  If the stars align just right, there is no refuge for anyone.  The way they look, talk, write, breathe, or exist all grates on me.  I want them gone; I’ll make them gone and I will do so ruthlessly.  I want the chaff removed from my presence.  I want to move unhindered and I want to occupy those spaces I desire.  I will not accommodate, only eradicate.

Everything grates on me.  In an ever increasingly connected world, the needs of a few are forced on the masses rather than the few fighting their own battles for legitimacy.  Seeing social media in which people, believing they are animals in spirit, are triggered by humans fornicating disgusts me.  On the other end of the spectrum, close friends coming to me with requests that inconvenience me do the same.  Everyone is equally worthless to me.  The question is whether they are roaches or something more tolerable.

The sun, the summer winds, the humming of the frogs at night.  I could do without all of these.  People are not the only things that can irritate me.  Life … life itself irritates me.  The end of life irritates me.  I am torn between poles, each of which are intolerable and whose in-between is equally intolerable.  I am irritable because I exist.  With that in mind, I am perfectly happy to seek silence.  If it means destroying everything around me, then so be it.  A temporary but violent peace will rule my world.  Lest the reader imply otherwise, I am not advocating a physical violence but rather a ruthless culling of everything in my life.  I’ve discarded scores of interpersonal relationships in this fashion and I will destroy many more.  What is unnecessary must be eradicated in order to preserve quiet.

It’s all about when the meltdown comes.

An Unmarked Grave
Psychopaths' Pursuit of Pleasure and the Arrival of Ruin

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    Have you ever dug deeper into your sense of irritation? Why do you blog online and post publicly if everything to you is meaningless? Why do you breathe if everything surrounding you is meaningless? Why do you continue to exist when you give up your control and sleep? What makes you self regulate? In your violent fantasy, why don’t you narrow down your specific wants and “needs” and find exactly what motivates you. Is it the blood? Is it the flesh? Is it the organs? Is it that we feel you have control over death? Have you ever tried a sensory deprivation chamber? Have you thought of sitting with true silence? (That which doesn’t exist), but you’ll find our for yourself as we all may. Why don’t you place yourself in another person’s shoes? Why don’t you view yourself as another would? That would provide you with a better sense of the truth. That would grow and cultivate you. Personally, I view you as trying to absolve yourself of any conflict/resonsibility/and accountability. What gives you the right to think as you do?

    • mel says

      FNP – The comment made by Anonymous is not meaningless, but further exemplifies how far apart the rational is between psychopaths and normal people.

      Anonymous – Psychopaths hate normal people: we grate on them and irritate them because we have what they lack and what they so desperately want. Additionally, they need to feed of us in order to feel alive. Can you image what that must be like? It would be akin to having your food be poison, the air that you breath be toxic. Psychopaths without normals would exist in a barren dessert, parched with little ability to breath and live. Psychopaths need us to function because we are their amusement, fuel and we provide the sadistic entertainment and pleasure that keeps then alive. Psychopaths are not self sustaining. They are vampires and without another’s life blood, they die.

      • FNP says

        Since when did psychopaths hate normal people? You can’t hate that which is beneath you. Why do you insist on perpetuating the myth that psychopaths are all out to attack you personally?

        And btw, questions like “Why do you breathe if blah is blah?” are what the rest of the world calls pointless questions. Even rhetorical questions have more value.

        • mel says

          FNP – “You can’t hate that which is beneath you,” sums up your hypocrisy. Normal people are not beneath psychopaths because our deeper range of emotion enables us to self-sustain and helps us to figure the likes of you out, so you can be avoided. Alternatively, psychopaths need normal people to manipulate, so that the incessant boredom, you can’t escape, can be temporarily relieved. You hate us because we are what sustains you. Your grandiosity hates the fact that you cannot self sustain. Normal people can live quite happily without vampiring another. In fact, we prefer not to.
          You attack everything to stay alive. You hate your inferiority and how avoided you are. Psychopaths can’t live without a mask and thanks to the abundance of information available, we are pulling that mask off and revealing “you” before you have had a chance to finish the kill. It’s your curtain call Don Draper : )

  2. Anonymous says

    Thank you, Mel! Reading you kept igniting hope inside me and funny as it seemed like a dance between you too! Fun how i felt too.

    The question was rhetorical. Most of those qurstions are. There is no conceivable way to understand “why” you continue to exist, because you didn’t create yourself. You breathe. Your body “loves” you no matter what by regulating your existance for the sake of it. The sake of yourself. To say that people are not selfish is a lie. Humans, and everything is essentially full to the brim with self. As self-ish creatures. The fact that you decline to explore… well, nearly everything leads me to the conclusion that you way of life IS unexciting, un-stress tested, and a lie. Normally I wouldn’t speak up on the “truth”, but you won’t do it. You’re undriven to do.

    Again. What gives you the right to be as you do? Where do you derive your sense of power? What gives you authority? Usually those who lack are below, usually those do not have have and are incapable of emotions as its said.. which is poop, you do.

  3. mel says

    Anonymous – I understand how impossible it is for you to understand a reality exists beyond your limited 5 psychopathic senses. Humans are selfish when they are young because they are helpless and need others to feed, cloth shelter and sustain them. The purpose of adulthood is to transition out of that stage into self sustainability. I can explore and live a thoroughly exciting life without leaching off others. I do not have incessant boredom chasing after me. I make choices that will generate peace while psychopaths make choices to disturb the peace. The disturbing world is where you find your fun. How horrid is that. I am sorry that you were born that way. It’s the closest thing to hell that I can imagine.

  4. Anonymous says

    Wait this is silly, I’m the first anonymous responding still. I can see how that’s confusing. It’s a misunderstanding so I don’t need to defend myself, so I speak for the sake of clarity and I’m glad you responded as you did anyways, I get more insight in to yourself when I don’t have the ability to speak as you do! I enjoy yor interaction and.. I don’t have a word for it? So I’ll say your vigor. It’s a breathe of super clean air to here you talk anyways!

    I was speaking to FNP, that’s who my comment was directed towards. Man. I need to get my name on here lol.

    For truthful purposes, does my comment stand on its own with the awareness of who I was speaking to? You confused me for having psychopathic traits, and I then my comment doesn’t make sense. xD Its like a strange anger that I would be embodying. I then would have no validity to my speech to say you live unexcited, because I don’t know how to form a thought – experience with your construct of mind.. because I don’t know you. 🙂 Which is strange for myself to recognize too that I’m thinking I know this FNP person, just because they label themsleves all this stuff! Sheesh, I mean I read and I sow reasonsing to understand more as I also fuction from experience.

    I conclude!

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