You know that feeling where there is simply too much order in your life, that feeling where you have to spice things up with a bit of chaos? You know that feeling where you’ve got some matches and you just need to see something burn? I do. I know that feeling all too well. I’m a firestarter and I need to know that I can add some entertainment to my life. I need to know that I can manipulate, destroy, and eradicate the restlessness in my life. Tick tick tick tock, this boredom isn’t going to go away on its own.
You know that feeling when you fuck up another person? That feeling to know that another is down in the depths of hell and you are the one that put them there? I do. Back in college, I would destroy others’ relationships for fun. I would play both sides of a crumbling relationship and put the death nail in their coffin. Man, those were good times. Sure, the boredom was relived for only a moment, but is not a moment better than nothing? The thirstiest person can survive on another’s tears it would seem.
You know that feeling when it all comes crashing down? That feeling when you are caught starting fires and shit really hits the fan? I do. Eventually the psychopath that does nothing but start drama and create chaos will have their world come crashing down. They become a pariah. They are avoided if lucky and harmed if not. This is why I try to avoid my shit stirring ways of the past; the risk of losing it all is just too great. I’m a firestarter, but I know better than to light fires these days. Tick tick tick tock, this boredom isn’t going to go away on its own, but there has to be another way.