I’ve written about the psychopath’s tendency to completely walk away from interpersonal relationships when the terms are not favorable. I don’t believe I’ve really gone into those transgressions that cause a psychopath to burn bridges, however. Most neurotypicals find that there is a lot of give and take in interpersonal relationships, that the going will not always be good but there is a belief that both parties will give a good faith effort to make forward progress. My experience and communication with other psychopaths implies that there is no give and take, usually, when it comes to the interpersonal relationships that the psychopath forms. Regardless of effort shown or given by the psychopath, the only metric that matters is the worth of the other individual. Any falter or transgression may very well be fatal to the interpersonal relationship.
Archives for April 2015
I’m in a state of transition in my life. I will probably be exploring new towns and new adventures sometime in the near to mid future and my desire to do much of anything in my current town is dwindling. Such stagnation (and anticipation) renders me fairly impotent and desiring anything to satisfy my ennui, my eternal boredom. I’ve returned to the realm of video games, choosing games that satisfy my need for stimulation in the best way possible. Just five more minutes, I tell myself, as five minutes turns into six hours. It may not be the most productive use of my time and no history will certainly be made from doing such, but it keeps me occupied. It does not satisfy the beast that wants more, however. I still want anything to make this life worth living; I want that one fix that will cure my boredom for good.
Both the relationship I have with my readers and the relationship I have with the world are not lost on me. I choose to remain visible and open and honest with my psychopathic condition and I how I choose to be defined by it (or not be defined by it). This means that I am often fighting on two fronts. I present my visible self to a world hostile to my existence and I present that same self to those that come looking for answers for the peculiarities they’ve noticed in their own lives. I am open and exposed with no visible allies. I’m not sure that I would have it any other way; I know what the stakes are to all involved.
Therapy took an unexpected turn last evening as we turned toward the topic of mortality. For various reasons and with various addictions, I do not take care of myself to the extent I should. I smoke, I don’t exercise as much as I should, and I suffer from various eating disorders. Yet, in spite of all of this, I am still alive and not too unwell. I tend not to be grateful for the luck in my life. I’m bipolar, often with severe and life-threatening depression, but I have access to mental health care. I’m alone yet I’ve built an online empire. One day I will die though, and I suspect my life expectancy would place my death in my 40s with the way I live this life, but for now I am vibrant. Just because I am alive and well does not mean that everyone else is, however, and last night I found out that my therapist could be taken from me by the same force of Chance that keeps me alive somehow. The loss may or may not come and it may or may not be imminent, but it is eerie to be placed in a position that I never thought possible: a state of concern and worry regarding another human life.
Violence sells well these days. We sit glued to our televisions and to our theater chairs watching the latest and greatest dismemberment or murder. Violent books line the shelves of our bookstores and violent headlines are front and center on our newspapers. We live in an age in which all are expected to stay riveted to such sensationalism. And, you know what, it works. Violent images are made for violent minds.