A reader asked me a vague question regarding friendship. Am I friends with other psychopaths? Am I friends with neurotypicals? Am I friends with anyone? I have at most one friend. The reasons will become clear by the end of this post, but I would like the neurotypical reader, especially, to think hard about what actually constitutes a friend. Is it someone whose company you enjoy? A person that you interact with online? Can only paramours be friends? Think long and hard and then continue reading after the break.
I consider friendship to follow from this definition: a friend is someone whom I can count on in any situation, whose company I enjoy, and whom can expect the same from me. We live in a world with Facebook where so many believe that every acquaintance they’ve ever met must be a friend. We “like” what they say or retweet their blurbs. We see them maybe once in a blue moon, but feel obligated to call them friends nonetheless. These “friends” often know next to nothing about our own conditions or struggles, they are merely flesh and blood that we’ve met at some point in time. I reject this notion. Even if I weren’t selfish as a person, I feel that friendship requires much more than a simple nod and a wink as our paths cross once in an age. The term I hold for anything less than the definition I led this paragraph with is “acquaintance”.
I am very selective with whom I let into my world. However, letting another know of my psychopathy, transgenderism, Bipolar Disorder, or whatever is not a sufficient condition. I have acquaintances that know about all these things. There is a bar that must further be cleared. A friend is not necessarily a paramour; I’ve had relationships with those that are not even remotely worthy of being called friends. A friend must command my respect and grant me enough value such that I feel obligated to help them when they call for me. So far, only one currently has this designation and even then I’m somewhat hesitant to embrace the term. He may be a de facto friend by the definition, but he does not hold a place in my heart. Then again, I doubt anyone ever will.
Think long and hard about your friends. Realign yourselves and free yourselves from the farsighted belief that the label of friendship must be conferred upon every amicable person you’ve ever met. Be selfish. The world does not need all of your energy and you certainly have dead weight that can be cut out. This makes the friends that you have more worthy and the acquaintances that you have more realistic with their expectations.