A tumblr follower asked me what it is to live life with psychopathy. This question confused me on many levels. What is it like to live life blind? What is it like to live life with Parkinson’s? Or with color blindness? Or depression? Or Bipolar Disorder? Or any of the multitudes of conditions that humans have given names? I don’t think there is a catch-all answer for any of these conditions that I threw out there or that the reader was inquiring about. The truth is, we all have our individual flavor not just of the condition that others may want to associate with us but for our lives in total as well.
Yes, there are many “givens” that come with psychopathy. I am completely devoid of affective empathy. I do not know what love is. I am callous. I tend to manipulate in order to get what I want. So on and so forth. But such a description leaves out so much of who I am. I am a guitarist. I enjoy reading mathematical texts. I program software for fun and profit. I bitch about the local sports teams as much as anyone else around me. The list of what composes me is virtually endless. Such a question of “what is it to live life as a psychopath?” dilutes and trivializes those other facets to my life.
The overarching theme of my writing is that of restraint. I hope that my antisocial readers find that a life of restraint and freedom is better than a life of destruction and incarceration or an early death. The only people that could truly answer the question that was posed to me are those that are living caricatures. For the rest of us, there are too many colors and too much music for such a question to be answered on anything except the most scathing and superficial level.