I’ve written that the psychopath is merely amoral, but I do believe that the psychopath struggles with silencing compulsions of immorality. Although he may lack conscience, the psychopath is still subject to thoughts of good and evil; it may be that those thoughts are not visceral feelings but intellectual realizations, however. That said, the “fun” or “profitable” option is often the immoral one. Even though the neurotypical is subject to similar thoughts, these thoughts may be much more prevalent for the psychopath. What then is the psychopath to do with these desires? Should he feast or should he show restraint?
I often find that I wrestle with such compulsions. Whether I am struggling to hold back violent impulses or general actions of chaos, I find that I often want to choose destruction over order. It’s as if I have a devil on one shoulder and an angel hung by its own halo on the other. However, I still consider myself amoral, with the reason being that I can still choose from morality, “altruism”, immorality, or considered chaos. I have that free will even as my brain gravitates toward fixed measures of antisocial thought and deed. It’s a tug of war with no pit in the middle. I am unconcerned with whether I do right or wrong so long as the end benefits me and there is no negative consequence to speak of.
I’ve seen many psychopaths whose antisocial compulsions drives them over the edge. Unable to control their desires, they lash out at anyone and anything in the most destructive of ways. These psychopaths do not last long in society, however. They quickly become the serial thief, or the killers of the world, and they eventually rot in jail cells or die. Their lack of conscience combined with their inability to show restraint ultimately ended their free lives.
I struggle everyday with the desires of order and chaos. These are not born of an inherent will to do right or wrong, but rather out of compulsions for such. I remain immoral and without conscience, but ultimately I need both angel and devil dead so that I can live on pure logic and not compulsion.