A reader posed an interesting comment related to the drama that psychopathic relationships usually have:
Ive just extracted myself from a several year relationship with a psychopath. Your blog has made the final breaking of all communication possible. The create the chaos question above sums up our entire chaotic relationship. However, there was one constant, a total infatuation with one individual who would be referred to regularly. My question is….I know the person exists, but could that person be in danger? Or was the infatuation a ‘lie’ to feed the chaos and increase his power over me? P.s. I know you wont appreciate it, but you’ve saved my life.
If I’m understanding the question correctly, it sounds like there was a relationship between the commenter and a psychopath and the drama in the relationship had a commonality in that the psychopath would bring up their infatuation with a third party. The commenter wants to know whether this third party exists or whether they are a fictional entity designed to provoke an increased “bond” in the relationship.
The short answer is that I of course do not know. But, let’s explore the two possibilities anyway.
Relationships for the psychopath tend to be a power play. We are narcissistic, self-centered, and callous. That alone makes a relationship with a psychopath unwise. I was once married for instance, and the relationship had nothing to do with love and everything to do with parasitism. I wanted to bleed him dry. I wanted his money and his attention and I would do anything for either. Combined with my Borderline characteristics, it is a wonder the man did not leave me sooner as I would do anything to keep him close, even to the detriment of his health. I’m not convinced that the vanilla psychopath will expend the energy to create chaos as a means to maintain a relationship. Given the psychopath’s promiscuity and general apathy toward those close to him, I don’t see that these tactics are a given. Once again, add Borderline Personality Disorder and it is a whole different ball game. That said, I would posit that each psychopath has their own “go to” for maximizing parasitism and it is certainly possible that any means are on the table. I’m just not sure that chaos is in the best interests of the psychopath.
As for the other possibility, that such a person exists that the psychopath is infatuated with, it is certainly possible. While the psychopath typically does not experience feelings of love, feelings of infatuation are very probable. Is that person in danger as the commenter suggests? Quite probably, after all they did scar the commenter. Hell, I’ve been in therapy for years trying to get my shit under wraps and I still struggle with choosing pro-social versus antisocial behavior.
And no, I do appreciate that I was able to help. I’m still trying to find the purpose for my writing and I often struggle with whether to continue. Notes like these help greatly. Good luck out there.