Yes, I’ve been bad (again) on updating daily.
Interpersonal relationships (professional, romantic, platonic, or otherwise) seem doomed for the psychopath. Either we get bored and let the relationship die, or our irritability will eventually cause the relationship to go nuclear. It seems inevitable that just as life itself dies, so will any relationship we engage in. Lord knows, I have left more acquaintances in the dust than I’ve kept by my side.
I don’t tolerate the emotional nor those that fail me. Either are certain to gain my ire with an unholy fury. On the other hand, those that are too complacent and boring quickly get cast aside as well. I am a junkie seeking stimulation. The bar to meet for those that do not irritate me is very high and can be cleared by few. It’s nothing personal, usually. I am less interested in preserving relationships for the sake of it and much more interested in ensuring that my desires are met at all times.
I’ve drained the city that I live in dry. There are none who excite me nor meet my needs and I am pondering whether it is time to move on, leaving those that I’ve discarded in my dust forever. Maybe I meant something to them, maybe I did not. I think it may be time to move on, though. Family, friends, and acquaintances mean very little when they do not provide me that which I want or need. They may see betrayal, whereas I see culling the diseased limbs to save the tree.
I’m no fool, though. I know that my patterns of enthralling and discarding others will continue until the day that I turn to dust. Yes, such an approach may be “immature” but I simply do not care. I am not one to stand still nor to honor others simply for the sake of it. My abusive upbringing taught me at an early age not to become invested in others. It taught me to abandon rather than be abandoned. It taught me, most of all, to let go for any reason.