I’ve been posing a question to other ASPD and/or sociopathic individuals as of late, asking what purpose we can ascertain for our lives. Given that we are, generally, unable to stick to – or even make – long-term goals, what is there to truly live – or die – for?
It is not just an inability to realize long-term goals, but the fact that any goal requiring interpersonal contact is deadened and dull. It seems that most of us simply cannot connect with other humans on anything but a superficial level. When you lack empathy and see others as tools, what deeper level can be had?
However, as one of my readers on tumblr pointed out, purpose for the ASPD and/or sociopathic individual might be much simpler, if not slightly depressing:
The constant pursuit of these fleeting moments of interest? Whilst our interests may change often, I find myself constantly looking for new ways to entertain myself. The purpose, if it could be considered such, seems to be the avoidance of boredom.
Everyone is waiting for their eventual worm-ridden grave. It is what we do in the meantime that matters. For the sociopath, this may mean simply accepting that the time now should be spent seeking pleasure or some other form of alleviating that eternal and damnable boredom.
In this sense, we have the ultimate gift and the ultimate curse. Our curse is that many of us see our lives as missing something that would seem a given for being human. There will most likely not be a deep and meaningful interpersonal relationship that comes along. However, we can forge whatever future we would like. We can do this because we are unconcerned with taking a fair share of the resources that exist all around us.
These resources can be anything of value. Defrauding or embezzling for personal financial stability? Sure. Bringing another into a shallow relationship in order to drain them of their energy and love? Why not? And so on. Essentially, we do not see the point in playing fair with the resources that are all around us and that compose the tangibles of the human experience. Fuel your own needs; stockpile for a dearth; and the rest will fall into place.
No, we are all waiting for the worms. The question is what can we do to get as much out of our brief existence as we can. I was not joking when I lamented the following to my tumblr followers:
No one has conviction these days. Give me the focused, the intelligent, those with desire. I want to surround myself with those that seek glory rather than the status quo.
I do not want to associate with those that lie in their own piss and shit because they feel warm.
Maybe that is all the purpose I will ever find: to move forward and entertain myself while ensuring that I will never stagnate.