I must have control.  Often, my desires for control lead me to playing things quite safely.  It is not that I am afraid of risk; I merely prefer to hold all of the cards and to know my opponent’s hand before committing to anything.  I want to know that I will be the victor and overwhelmingly so.

need control.  When I am not in control, I lash out like a small child.  I turn to nefarious means in order to regain control.  In the worst case scenario, if I cannot have control, no one will.  In the best case, I will have set the tempo to the dance they think that they can perform on their own.

obsess over control.  My schemes require the utmost planning to make sure that I am holding the strings for my marionettes.  The right time and place for a perfect lie or revelation of blackmail are calculated and recalculated to an unhealthy degree.  I quickly lose sight of my endgame because I get so wrapped up in controlling the present.  I forget the role that my playthings have in my master plan as I ensure that they are in the place and position that I decree.

Ultimately, I cannot always have control.  There are forces that counteract our every move and thought.  Some of these forces can be eliminated – such as the friend begging me to find conscience – and some of these cannot, such as the cop that pulls me over for driving “recklessly” through her precious little town.

What distresses me most is when I must rely on luck to reach the endgame that I have envisioned.  My marionettes should not have movements that I do not create by my own hands.  Sometimes, they move to their own music – however.   Even the sociopath must rely, at times, on the actions of others.  All I can hope is that my influences to that point have made it clear that there is only one acceptable way in which they can dance.



  1. Anonymous says

    What if you can’t be in control, and others are able to have control? What feeling s are evoked in your at the idea of this hypothetical situation?

  2. Anonymous says

    Also, do you have a sense of humor? Not asking if you can fake one for passing’s sake, but do you authentically find humor in anything? What things?

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