I am heavily involved in many things: work, this blog, the community over at Sociopath Street, and whatever else life throws at me. I rarely am with downtime, but I even more rarely know exactly where I am going with everything. When I try to imagine my future, I see nothing. To clarify, it is not that my future holds nothing; it is that I cannot envision what it will hold and, more importantly, concrete steps on how to get there.
These past six months have been the most rewarding of my life. I have learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined and I have communicated with many sociopaths that have knowledge that I could not have found on my own. I know that I will continue to write and to maintain the sister site, but I have a long term plan for neither. My one concrete goal in life, as I have always said, is to know myself better than the day before. I am coming to realize that I desperately need to find the sight needed to envision other goals.
It is as if I am a racecar driver. I know that there is a checkered flag off in the distance, but my view of the road is obscured as well as my knowledge of where the flag actually lies. I drift, aimlessly, from street to street, not knowing where I am going, only that I should go somewhere. I’m essentially playing the lottery of life: random chance is the only thing that gets me to any sort of reward.
I need to articulate some sort of goal for this life. Once I have a goal, I can begin mulling possible plans to reach that goal. A goal without plans can only be reached by chance, and a plan without a goal will never succeed.