I’ve been avoiding this post as long as I can. A reader put me to task, however.
What are your thoughts of the difference between love and possession?
I’ve been avoiding the topic of “love” because it simply does not register with me. I cannot comprehend it. At least not in the Hallmark card sense. Possession I understand easily. I’m going to explain my difficulties with the concept of love, let my more empathic readers fill in the blanks, and then finish with a discussion on possession.
Love literally makes no sense to me. I view people as tools for constructing a result that I desire. It could be power, money, companionship, the alleviation of boredom, so on and so forth. And like tools, should they grow rusty, they are quickly replaced. I’ve had feelings of lust and appreciative feelings with those that satisfy my time satisfactorily, but never a feeling of unconditional acceptance of another person – not with my family, not with my ex-spouse, no one. Every interpersonal relationship of mine is a conscious choice and I do not linger with any that are unworthy of my time.
The closest feeling to love that I can articulate and recognize is respect. Even that is conditional. However, with those that I respect, there is an unholy retribution should those that I care for be mistreated by someone other than me. I do not consider those I respect to be possessions per se, but I do consider them worthy of my steadfast eye. If someone fucks with them, they are fucking with me – something I simply do not tolerate. This rarely comes into play, however, as I respect so few and those that I respect are strong themselves.
My ex-spouse was a possession, however. I could care less what mistreatment they suffered so long as they were mine. Using the parasite analogy, he was the host. So long as the host was alive, I could care less about the rest. I would keep that possession close. It would always be in my sight. It was unacceptable for others to borrow it. Like a cherished jewel, the only handler would be its owner and I was their owner. If I wanted their energy, they would have to give it. If I wanted their time, no one else could have it. It was like having a human pet.
If you want my protection, you best be a respected acquaintance of mine. If you want my love, you are shit out of luck. The possessions in my life may come and go, but for the time they are mine, they are mine alone. I do not anticipate ever knowing love. A companionship of respect is what I desire. A symbiosis where there are no possessions, merely comrades in arms.
If any of you dear readers have insight, please share. The topic of love seriously does not compute for me.