Love, Respect, Ownership

I’ve been avoiding this post as long as I can.  A reader put me to task, however.

What are your thoughts of the difference between love and possession?

I’ve been avoiding the topic of “love” because it simply does not register with me.  I cannot comprehend it.  At least not in the Hallmark card sense.  Possession I understand easily.   I’m going to explain my difficulties with the concept of love, let my more empathic readers fill in the blanks, and then finish with a discussion on possession.

Love literally makes no sense to me.  I view people as tools for constructing a result that I desire.  It could be power, money, companionship, the alleviation of boredom, so on and so forth.  And like tools, should they grow rusty, they are quickly replaced.  I’ve had feelings of lust and appreciative feelings with those that satisfy my time satisfactorily, but never a feeling of unconditional acceptance of another person – not with my family, not with my ex-spouse, no one.  Every interpersonal relationship of mine is a conscious choice and I do not linger with any that are unworthy of my time.

The closest feeling to love that I can articulate and recognize is respect.  Even that is conditional.  However, with those that I respect, there is an unholy retribution should those that I care for be mistreated by someone other than me.  I do not consider those I respect to be possessions per se, but I do consider them worthy of my steadfast eye.  If someone fucks with them, they are fucking with me – something I simply do not tolerate.  This rarely comes into play, however, as I respect so few and those that I respect are strong themselves.

My ex-spouse was a possession, however.  I could care less what mistreatment they suffered so long as they were mine.  Using the parasite analogy, he was the host.  So long as the host was alive, I could care less about the rest.  I would keep that possession close.  It would always be in my sight.  It was unacceptable for others to borrow it.  Like a cherished jewel, the only handler would be its owner and I was their owner.  If I wanted their energy, they would have to give it.  If I wanted their time, no one else could have it.  It was like having a human pet.

If you want my protection, you best be a respected acquaintance of mine.  If you want my love, you are shit out of luck.  The possessions in my life may come and go, but for the time they are mine, they are mine alone.  I do not anticipate ever knowing love.  A companionship of respect is what I desire.  A symbiosis where there are no possessions, merely comrades in arms.

If any of you dear readers have insight, please share.  The topic of love seriously does not compute for me.

Image is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.  Use of this image should not imply endorsement by the image author, WIkimedia Commons user thisisbossi.

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  1. Oxi says

    I could never understand love. I have a huge fascination about it. I observe friends of mine that are supposedly in love and I think they couldn’t be more awkward. Sometimes I think I wanna feel love, but I don’t even know what is love. There are some people in my life I’d risk my life for, but mostly it’s because they’re, as you said, my possessions, once they choose to live my social circle I simply delete them from my mind. Also I think love has to do with missing the person and I never missed someone.
    You gonna laugh but the only living being I still miss during my life intercourse was the dog I had when I was 8yro. When my mother gave I cried for a week. I never felt that for a person though.

  2. Alpharius says

    Oh, I can understand love, or at least how other people define love, I just don’t feel it, not in the same sense as they do.

    So I’ve always gone for a substitute, basically having my own definition of love. It’s not something I just feel, it’s something that I choose to do, and basically it all boils down to honesty and loyalty: honesty to the other person, always speaking my mind openly (and it takes a very special person to be able to handle that, this trait in someone – being able to accept that some days I feel like jumping out and choking them – is extremely rare). There’s also loyalty – like, I consciously choose not to cheat on them and handle my urges, and God forbid if they don’t do the same. That’s my definition of love. So far (31 years), I have only met one person worthy of it.

  3. lyn says

    Love can only be felt by two people who are willing to stay forever despite of problems they might go through. Love is acceptance, respect and no set of standards….love can be hurt but lovers can be the helear of it.

  4. says

    I think that the concept of “love” is so freaking corrupted in our culture, and has been for so long, that anyone who does claim to grok it should automatically be discounted as a liar or–worse—a poet.
    I think that most people, if they had to and were capable of doing so, would recognize many of their own ideas of what love is in your description of “possession.” Only throw in a lot more hormonal chaos and bad decisions.

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