I mentioned my family a few posts back and how I can be a total parasite since they feel guilt over disowning me in the past. I also believe that they, and others, often ignore the psychopathic traits that I let slip because it is simply incompatible with their view of me. I’ve mentioned that perception is everything. If one presents a good face then occasional slip-ups are deemed anomalies rather than actuality. However, people also have such an ingrained notion of arbitrary good and evil. Most consider those in their lives to be good; they believe they stay far away from “evil”. Granted, “evil” is a bullshit term and really morality and ethics come in shades of gray, but the point still stands. Rather than accepting that someone around them, and close to them, is amoral, they hide their eyes and cover their ears because it simply not congruent with what they believe and expect in their lives. With the right people, perception does not matter; they will see you as masked even if your face is exposed.
A common reaction when I came out as psychopathic to my closest friends after being clinically diagnosed was that of disbelief. They all were given signs previously in our relationships. Whether it was hearing of me assaulting one of my friends while drunk and in college or watching me hold back laughter at the plight of another, those chosen confidants had seen my psychopathic side before. At every point, they ignored it. “Oh, they were drunk; that surely cannot be a latent aggressive streak”. “Oh, I guess that is kind of funny in a morbid way”. “Maybe they are too stressed to feel bad for others’ losses right now”. And so on. They will being willfully blind to my actions and my thought processes.
As much as I move, I left my pet with family years ago. When I visit on occasion, the pet’s ears perk up and she’ll drown me in affection. Usually, I am not happy with this. Every moment of my day is precious and dealing with a pet I had long written off is not a good use of my time. My family will see this and will scold me; they’ll try to guilt me into playing with the animal and loving her the way she loves me. It clearly does not work. However, whenever they describe me to others they describe a loving and caring individual. They describe my many achievements and the “integrity” that I possess. It baffles me. They are seeing what they want to see and ignoring all evidence to the contrary. Either I am mute or they are willfully deaf and I know that I have no problems talking.
It is vital for us to wear our masks and to remain in the shadows given society’s hatred of us. However, on the individual level it seems that many simply don’t want to acknowledge that someone else could be so fundamentally different than themselves and their views of those in their lives. With many of my acquaintances I find that testing their sight and hearing is a most excellent game. How much can I get away with before they see me for who I am? If I speak my mind and act out my proclivities, would they realize that I am contrary to their expectation of, and beliefs toward, others?