Rebuilding

The ending of of any kind of interpersonal relationship that I am involved in usually comes by my own will and is usually final.  However, I realize that sometimes I may have not gained everything that I could have from the relationship in question.  I have a hair-trigger to end relationships the moment that the investment exceeds the reward, no matter how slightly and regardless of the track record prior to such.  I do realize that this may not always have been the correct decision.  I also realize that when I sever ties as such, that there simply will never be any further benefit unless they come crawling back or unless I feign some sort of apology.  Sometimes rebuilding is necessary in order to continue the parasitism that was once in my favor.

Sometimes the benefit gained is simple companionship and an alleviation of boredom.  Other times the benefit may be far more tangible like a roof over my head or free financial support.  The consideration is the same for me when it comes to revisiting relationships that I ended.  I don’t care so much about the person as I do the reward.  It’s really no different than writing off a store or restaurant that mangled your order and then crawling back because they could still provide a service.  There may not be allegiance, but does that matter?

I’ve found that depending on how close the relationship was before the end, I can approach rebuilding in one of two ways.  If we were close and honest, then I may present it as a chance for mutual benefit – one where we hold no illusions of true intimacy but one that, nevertheless, could be for both our gain.  For relationships that I was not so involved with or that were not built on true respect and honesty, the feigning of sincerity is much more effective.  The latter was most prominent in my life when I accepted a return to form with my family after being disowned for many years.  It was not that I felt a burning need to bring them back into my life or that I loved them, but rather that there was benefit to be had if I simply pretended to bite the bullet and make amends.

At no point do I feel remorse or regret over the relationships I’ve ended or in the ways I’ve chosen to rebuild some of them.  I may miss the parasitic gain I had with them at one point, but I could find another relationship that was equally beneficial.  Sometimes, however, the easiest choice is the correct one and this may mean revisiting relationships that I left for dead.

Those relationships we end or let wither need not be gone forever.  Many psychopaths may never have the regret, remorse, or love for those relationships that the neurotypical will.  A relationship that rekindles based on mutual benefit and emotional disconnect need not be a detriment to either party.  However, I would be lying if I said that sometimes leaving the other party in the dark with a rekindling in order to hide one’s true motives was not an equally acceptable approach in my eyes.  I am busy looking for resources and even those relationships that were true in the past are not off limits to my parasitic touch in the future.  They may consider it ‘rebuilding’ or ‘rekindling’, but I prefer to think of it as good business.

Image used under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.  Use of this image should not imply endorsement by the image author, WIkipedia user Nyttend.

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