Honest

People often do not want to hear the truth, but they label you as a scourge if you lie.

Lying comes very easily for me.  People are shallow and easy to read.  It is effortless to know exactly what they want to hear or what they need to hear in order to manipulate them into a desired result.  The lie I feel most pressured to project is that of empathic care.  It seems that nothing disturbs a person more than another that simply does not care about their lives and their suffering.  However, I do not lie to those I respect, especially if they know that I am psychopathic.  This also means I will not feign empathy for them either.

I remember when I was exiting a former residence.  My then roommate was a very good friend and I had told her that I was psychopathic.  Shortly after that disclosure she began to tell a story in which the parents, both of them, of a family she was friends with both overdosed within months of each other, leaving their children as orphans.  She tried to finish the story and then realized that I was sitting there staring at her with a look of curiosity and intrigue rather than empathic sorrow or horror.  She finally uttered: ‘you really don’t care, Anathema, do you?’  At that point I was honest and reminded her: ‘their sorrows mean nothing to me, but that is a very interesting story regarding the human condition.’  She was upset, but she understood.  It was not to my advantage to take off my mask in that situation, but I respected her too much to be anything but honest.

This is how most accounts that people give strike me.  They are interesting as far as our struggles and winnings go as a species, but they really do not strike an emotional chord.  I did really find it interesting that two parents could be so reckless with drug use while parenting small children.  I found it interesting that they gambled and lost, as that is not something I am accustomed to.  However, I could not drum up an emotional response as a result.  Things happen; people die.  Why would I waste my energy on such?

My reasons for dropping my mask with those I respect is twofold.  It is not that I value honesty in general.  However, since I respect them, I’m not going to belittle them by pretending to be what I am not.  The second, and more selfish, reason is that it simply is an excuse to not pour forth the energy required to partake in such inane emotion.  The side effect may be honesty, but it is not the primary motivation.  I am curious whether other psychopaths do the same with those that they respect.

People only want to hear the truth when it is convenient or in agreement with their own beliefs.  It is easy, as a psychopath, to realize the words that others want to hear.  It is harder, but beneficial, to be honest with those that know my status.  I may not be your shoulder to cry on, but I will never deceive you – should I respect you.  I will be honest and point out the darkness when others are engulfed by false light.

Façade
Responsibility

Comments

  1. Oxi says

    I think I share your perception. When I respect someone I try to avoid pretending feelings I don’t feel. I’m not rude. I’ll tell the truth using pleasant words.
    But I also can be raw and honest when I’m angry or if I simply deslike the person.
    I’m mostly indifferent to all the people I interact, I’ll lie if I need to, just to not push them away. I might need them in the future.
    I have a close friend that thinks I’m the best person in the world to ask for advice. I think that’s very odd, because I always had the guts to tell him he was being ridiculous and over reacting, I did that several times. He is 9 years older than me and when I was 17 he said I was the most mature woman he ever meet lol. Because I’m never driven by emotions, very rational and very honest.
    The funny thing after a few months of friendship he confessed me he was really afraid of me when we first meet. He said I had the eyes of a assassin. I still don’t know why he kept contact with me. He is super moralist, I’m the opposite and he knows it well.
    My point people do value truthfulness. But only tell the truth to intelligent people. They are most unlike to freak out and cut relations with you, because they are smart enough to value your opinion and try to learn from critics instead of looking for ways to get offended.
    My friend for example values my opinion because it’s always the opposite to his.

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