Recap – September 2013

Per the usual, the last day of the month is a shameless plug of choice posts over the past month with some bonus commentary.

Pandora – When I was diagnosed as a psychopath after the urging of one of my acquaintances to figure out why the hell I was so different than most, it led to a great period of introspection. I knew the stereotypes that are assigned to psychopaths and I also knew that I, undeniably, held the traits that were identified via the PCL-R. I was warned by the professional administering the assessment that there would be a price to pay either way as a result of learning whether I was a psychopath.  Ultimately, it opened Pandora’s box, because now I can no longer deny what I am good at – I can just more easily identify when I’m behaving or thinking differently than the neurotypical.

Revelation: Metamorphosis, Assurance, and Précis – The parallels between coming out as transgender and coming out as a sociopath to those that deserved to know were astounding.  Many believed that I was being deceptive in my time before those revelations, many left, and the few that stayed never thought of me in the same light ever again.  Both conditions require deception, and both require a certain level of staying in the shadows.  The shadows are where I will have to reside from here on out in order to not fall to the judgment of others.  Such a hidden place is also great for future endeavors and schemes.

Bloodlust – Psychopaths are often driven by immoral and destructive impulses.  From my own experiences, the restraint needed to avoid such destruction is exhausting.  However, we can reach maturation and we can find other avenues for our tendencies.

Idle HandsThe Devil’s Workshop – I try to stay busy.  I know that if I am not busy, that I become far more unsatisfied and bored than I am usually.  Given where my thoughts and actions can lie, what would the impact of being idle be?  I suspect, such idleness can lead to extraordinarily bad actions, for my own sake and for the sake of others.  The old adage is true for the psychopath especially.  Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.

Voodoo – The difference between sadism and psychopathy is fine.  However, psychopathy does not require the harming of others for fun.  Psychopaths also are not required to revel in the suffering of others.  That said, we certainly can commit such actions.  Often the violence we commit serves other needs, if only to abate the insufferable boredom.  I am not convinced that psychopaths must be sadists in order to register.  This is where the difference between ASPD and psychopathy is most apparent.

Chronos – I am absolutely convinced that the psychopath has a potential for much greater achievement in life compared with the neurotypical.  We are ruthless and don’t focus on the emotional needs of others.  This allows us to move forward when others are crippled by their own limitation.  Time waits for no man, why not get everything we can out of this short existence?

Meat Shield – I threw my gay sibling under the bus in order to make my own transgender revelations sit better with my family.  It didn’t work, it greatly hurt him, and ultimately it was a waste of my energy.  I don’t feel bad about what I did in the least, however I do wish I could have done it with better efficacy.  Such is just one example of how the psychopath will gladly use others to deflect or absorb the bullets of responsibility we face every day.  Why would I suffer damage for my actions when someone else can take the fall?

Lunar – All of you idiots that are convinced that psychopaths must be uncontrolled lunatics that maim and kill will have a special place in hell.  Hopefully I’m in charge of that section.

 

Lunar

One of the most maddening misconceptions of psychopathy is that we are unhinged lunatics waiting to slice up the first person we meet or that generally we are ready to lie and steal and assault and kill anyone at any moment.  For most psychopaths, this is simply not true.  We may have a different, and disturbing to some, mindset – but we are capable of keeping our destructive tendencies in check.  It just may be remarkably difficult at times, akin to the compulsive gambler resisting the urge to go to the casino.  We need not run free with our desires and it is insulting to hear over and over again that the only true psychopaths are those committing heinous crime on a daily basis.

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Potential

The psychopathic condition is so “normal” for me that I completely lose sight of what it actually looks like.  I know what I scored on a professionally-administered instance of the PCL-R.  I can match behaviors in my life with the PCL-R factors that I scored on.  I can objectively say that I’ve done plenty of immoral actions in my life.  When things are so engrained, however, I lose the forest for the trees.  What is the bigger picture?  Rather than looking at a snapshot, what does the film show?

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Cannibal

Depending on the word used we either are a disease of the mind or a disease of society.  I prefer to think of some of our inclinations as being that of cannibals.  We feast on the naivety of our fellow human beings, often leaving the broken, and leaving us full until we need to feed again.  We find a host and bleed them dry, hopefully without them realizing or having the means to challenge us.  The PCL-R refers to this trait as living a “parasitic lifestyle”.

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Symbiosis

I’ve been told that no interpersonal relationship I will ever enter will be a “healthy” or “normal” relationship for both parties involved.  I agree with this to an extent, given the caveat that the relationship involved a neurotypical.  I am not concerned about the well-being of my friends or paramours.  If I am, it is because I want to make sure they have just enough of their needs met so that they stick around.  I respect few.  I care for even less.  I’ve let many friendships and relationships die because I simply do not want to waste my time or energy on meeting their wants and needs when mine are much more important.  Sometimes I simply disappear and other times I let them die from starvation.  Can you kill that which requires no light, though?

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